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How do you feel about husband being out all night at the bar?

I don't like my husband drinking that's my first issue. I come from a family of alcoholics, I had a drinking problem when I met my husband, and we drank together for a few years until I became pregnant with my first son. After that we mellowed out a lot, though everyonce in awhile we would have night we drank more than we should have. After my second son was born, I found it physically impossible to drinkmuch (a blessing) , and we cut down to maybe getting a bottle of wine everyonce in awhile, whatever. My sister has been through a lot of terrible stuff because of her drinking in the last few years, which has really made me hate drinking even more. 2 years ago y husband got really drunk out with friends and lied to me about where he was, we got in a huge fight, and we almost ended our marriage. Its been a long road, and we are doing ok, but there are still scars. He is a very ugly person when he drinks, so I don't like when he does, and he knows that. Last night he got the opportunity to go out with friends. I knew he would be drinking but he said he wasn't going to be out late and he had to work early this morning. He left at 730pm, by 1100 he texted saying he was going to be later than expected. By midnight I was pissed. I just don't think grown men need to be out getting drunk. I called him at 1 and asked him if he was ok, and we got in a huge fight. I had a major panic attack, and we both said a lot of mean things. He finally ogot in at 3 in the morning. He smelled like a bottle. Disgusting. I wasn't mean, told him I didn't want to talk about anything, but I loved him and sorry if I ruined his night. Somehow he got up and wne tot work. A few hours later. I hope he feels like shit. He acts like nothing happened, and he will so he can get away with his behavior. I don't like what he did, and I don't want him to do it again. I know he is a grown man, but I can't respect a guy who acts like he is in highschool. I love him so much and I don't want tis to be an issue, but it is one of the biggest ones we have. Its going to make it really hard for me to accept the next time he wants to go out with friends. I don't know wherw our feelings are today, as we left off with some pretty hurt feelings on the phone. I don't know where to go from here. I know he needs a good time every once in awhile, but this to me is just stupid. Plus he is not respecting my feelings about drinking and how awful he gets. Im heartbroken. I know I can't tell him to drink, but im not going to like it the next time he does. What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Mar. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Sorry, I don't dictate what my husband is " allowed " to do. I don't have issues with drinking, maybe he got mad at you for mothering him while he was out with friends, if he doesn't do it much why not jut say bye, tell him to crash on the couch when he comes home & let him be.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:53 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • comes down to respect I think...you respect that he wants to go out with friends...BUT he is not respecting the fact that you would like him home when he says -or at least not come home wasted

    He got up and went to work, so there is that...if he hadn't- I'd say there was even a bigger issue
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:58 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • My husband doesn't stay at the bar all night, ever. He doesn't go to bars with his friends at all, only with me.
    You have every right to be upset if he wasn't home when he said he would be. Even more right if he was driving home drunk. Personally, that's not the behavior I want modeled for my children, but you have to decide what you are okay with and let him know.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:06 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • We both had alcoholic parents and it really bothers both of us, so neither of us drink at all. I can't be with someone who goes and hangs out in a bar drinking, and he can't either.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:08 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • You'd think that as an adult,he'd know how to balance hanging with friends without getting wasted like a frat boy.
    We don't drink,but if my husband pulled this at his age,he'd know I'd be PISSED beyond imagination,and he'd be afraid to come home,lol
    I call when he's late coming home from work. He knows I worry,and he'd never get mad at me for being concerned
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:21 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • Not in my house
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 11:56 AM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • I tell my DH how I feel about everything. Next time he want to do that. Just tell him You do not like it. I really think calling him and harassing him while he is out. Will not help the problem at all.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:22 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • "Booze, or me. Pick one."
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:27 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • If it happened once in a while, he didn't drive drunk, and he got up for work the next day, I wouldn't like it but I'd probably deal with it. If it became a regular thing, he did drive drunk, or miss work, I wouldn't put up with it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:51 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • sounds like you are worried because he has a drinking problem
    not that he was late or out with friends
    sounds like he does not have a stop button or a slow down button when it comes to booze

    has he ever admitted having a drinking problem?
    do you think he has a drinking problem?

    years back i was married, he drunk way too much, i did not like it and problems became too much for the marriage and they steamed from his actions because he could not stop at a few
    so depends on how often he is drinking like this, his history with drinking and can he have a few or does he not have a pause button

    good luck
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:57 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

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