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2 Bumps

How to get my 21 yr old daughter to clean up after herself and her daughter?

My daughter moved out with her daughter and boyfriend. she kicked him out after 2 weeks and the found out she was pregnant. After we found out the baby had a heart defect my husband and I talked into coming back home so we could help her with both girls. The baby only lived 18 days. My daughter decided to go back to school and she also works full time. I am trying to be patient with her but she his such a slob. She makes her daughter clean up and put away things but she doesn't.. I tell her she is not setting a very good example but she don't seem to care. I pick up and do their laundry, plus take care of her daughter when she is at school or work. All I ask of her is to clean her room and pick up after herself. But it seems the more I say something the more determined she is not to do what I asked.

Answer Question
 
nanna1967

Asked by nanna1967 at 2:46 PM on Mar. 9, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • if the mess is in the room she's living it- I'd leave it alone. If it is out where everyone else has to be- we would be having a chat
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:49 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • how long ago did her baby die? i ask because maybe she is suffering depression. did she go to grief counseling or see any kind of professional for her loss?
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:52 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • I think I'd give her a little slack as she grieves, and processes her loss. Tell her how she keeps her own room is her concern, but you'd really like public living areas kept tidy. Then if she leaves stuff out just toss it in her room and shut the door.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 3:06 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • It could be that you are falling into old mother/daughter communication patterns that just make her want to rebel. It's your home, so you have a right to set expectations, at least for the public areas. But try to do it in a way that two adults would talk, not as a mom to a daughter.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:26 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • Stop doing it. When she has no clothes she'll realize she has to do laundry.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:43 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • I also wonder if she is suffering some depression -like tnm said
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 5:15 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • She is suffering its time for a face to face talk about what can be done.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

  • Time to tell her to get her own place. Say you will still watch the kids. But they need to move out. Does she pay rent?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:05 PM on Mar. 9, 2013

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