Next Question, Please »
Answers / Life & Home / Relationships
1 Bump

How do I go about talking to my husband about being around more?

I don't know if I'm just being hormonal and needy or if my husband really is just tuned out. It seems he comes home from work and if we aren't eating or cleaning up from dinner he's playing video games. It always seems like he NEEDS something to do. I'm home all day with our son and by the end of the day I'm fine with just sitting and chatting but he's on the phone or on his playstation constantly. He's got stuff at work on Wednesdays so I see him maybe 2 hours that day. Then on the weekends he's either napping, gaming, or wanting to do things with his friends. We have a 8month old and another on the way yet it seems like he's stuck in high school. The people at his job go out and drink and of course he goes... He doesn't say oh ill be home this time or anything like that he just shows back up at home at whatever time of night or morning. I'm beyond irritated and every time I talk to him about it he always claims he understands and he's going to change but we always end up right in the same spot. I don't want my sons to grow up thinking daddy is just interested in himself and no one else. How can I go about telling him and getting it through his freakin head?

Answer Question
  • SHARE THIS QUESTION:
  •  
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:03 AM on Mar. 10, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Take your child and leave for a week or weekend...without telling him. Keep your phone off for a day. It's not illegal for you to go stay at a friend's place. He needs a wake up call. He listens to action only, so when he realizes you're not home for a week, then he might realize he needs to be around more. You could also just pretend to leave your child with him for a night, say you've got friends to meet and you'll be leaving your child with him. Then rush out the door. I don't see anyway it won't end up in some kind of fighting but he needs a taste of his own behavior. P.S. Don't have any more kids with him. He's not responsible enough to care for 1 child already.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:31 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Are you sure you are married? Your husband is leading the life of a single man.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 7:45 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • He does sound like he needs you to do something drastic to get his attention maybe going to stay at a friends house or your mom's house will cause him to wake up and spend more time with the family. When you talked to him in the past did you demand that he spend all of his free time with the family because he may not want to change if he feels like you are demanding he give up the things he likes. You need to find a compromise that you can both live with and he should take the baby occasionally so you can have some unwind time.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 7:51 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Do what he is doing back on to him. One weekend/your DH's days off. After everyone is up. Tell your DH you are going somewhere. shopping, have to run to the store for something. (You can do this with or with out your child, I would leave the child at home with him). And just do not come back. After about 6 to 12 hours. Go home. And non Chalantly say you ran into a/some friend/s  and forgot about the time.  Go about your business like it was nothing.  See how he likes it.


    If that does not work. Like PGA said. He is acting like a single man. Time for you to make him one. And get  rid of him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:13 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Make plans in advance for the weekends that include him. Take a trip to the zoo, aquarium, beach, playground, library, stroll the mall, picnic at a park etc. You have to make the plans in advance & TELL him what you are doing. Then find a sitter or take the baby out to a restaurant at night then take a walk in town. Make plans for a date with him alone at home after the baby is asleep. GL!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:23 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • I have been in that position, but my fiance doesn't go out to drink but works a lot 3rd shift 11pm to 7am and over time somdays he works 11pm to 3pm and is constantly gaming! my man and I plan when he will play his game together, Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 7pm to 10pm and friday and saturday after I go to bed he will play until 2am or 4am then sleep until 1pm the next day this schedule has been working for us for almost a year now we have been together for 8 years btw! what has worked for me is demand his time but don't attack him with," you need" and "you play games way too much", think about what you will say before you say it and say it in a way he will understand exactly how you feel, if it is time with him and just him you desire explain that you love and miss him and need to feel that you are worthy of his time and if it is time as a family than plan it with him.
    n8nnickmom

    Answer by n8nnickmom at 2:10 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • I would suggest making sure you tell him you aren't expecting every free moment he has be spent with you and the kid(s), but you want some time with him. If you try to take all his free time, it will freak him out and push him away. Just let him know the amount of time you want him to spend with his family.
    If that doesn't work, it may be time to let him see what life would be like without you and your kid(s) there. I ended up having to use this option. It's not easy, but it does work in most cases.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 4:42 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
Answers / Life & Home / Relationships

Check out these interesting topics from all over CafeMom: