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It's not ok in my book to allow his girlfriend to spend the night. He asked why I'm 18!

It's my BF's son. He's given me a run for my $$ so far. BF & I dated a year before moving in together. After that fact his ex dropped his son off on our doorstep and ran off to the UP to live. We both gave up our small homes to get this big home for both our 18 yr olds. Mine is a neat freak. His is a pig. My rule has always been NO girlfriends sleep overs. He says she's not his girlfriend. Well I know they have sex. So I don't see the difference. I don't want them shacking up in my house I didn't allow it for any of my kids I don't want to allow it with his son. So when they came down this morning I looked at him he says what? I said not cool girlfriends don't spend the night! He says she's not my girlfriend... I said girls don't spend the night. I wanted to say Fuck buddy's don't spend the night but didn't. MY house my rules. He glared at me as my BF stood in the door way not sure what he should say but didn't say anything to back me up on this either. Until she left. I glared at him with my coffee cup in hand and went back to living room to see what he would do. His son said. why isn't it ok? just cuz she says so? I'm 18 I can have a friend stay if I want. We are NOT running a flop house or a Motel 6 where he can have comfortable sex with is fuck buddy!! All he had to say is. If you want your girl friend to stay stay at her house and see what her parents think... or My house my rules. He just said. It's not right just don't do it. I could care less they are boinking bum's but I don't want them having all nighter sexathons in my house. They are both 18 pull their $ and get a hotel room or throw a blanket in the back of her blazer and do the dirty there! So guess my thing is. When he kept asking why... Is it ok to say to an 18 yr who is still in HS (although failing and won't graduate on time) to say sorry my house my rules that's all you need to know.

 
Metabea

Asked by Metabea at 10:40 AM on Mar. 10, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Consider owning your preferences & limits as your personal decisions. Acknowledge that it may not be fair & may not be reasonable, but it's your bottom line.

    This gives him something to respond to (a rule) without trying to establish it as right, reasonable, or The Way Things Should Be. He doesn't have to be wrong; you don't have to be right. You don't have to justify your preferences (you can explain them.) Just let him know what your expectations are. (You should work these out with your boyfriend, since it's your shared household.)

    Acknowledge how his son may be annoyed or furious, and be clear that that's okay. (Not because you could not care less how he feels, but because you recognize that it is an unpopular decision, and might even be unreasonable, and that you aren't thinking that his son is wrong to have feelings about the limit/policy.)
    Then you aren't assuming moral high ground, but rather owning your preferences.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:39 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Your BF needs to back you up on this one,or you'll have his kid,his baby momma and a baby living in your house
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:52 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Lol I honestly don't know why everyone thinks your wrong. I agree with you, if your bf feels the same way. I would want anybody in my house bringing "friends"over to spend the night and sleep in the same bed. If he's 18 and wants to bring whomever he pleases home for sex, he can get a job and get his own place. You and your bf are justified in "shacking" up because you do have jobs to pay for your own place.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Yes that's just fine. He doesn't have to justify house rules to anyone, he said something to the kid.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:43 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • My kids will never have friends of the opposite sex over to spend the night until they are married, regardless of age. You bf really needs to step up and be a father to his son without depending on you to always be the heavy.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:48 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • "My house, my rules" is good in theory, but it's also your boyfriend's house, and it sounds like he doesn't have or want the same rules you do. If you want to be able to set the rules and say "my house, my rules" then you either need to be with a man who has the same rules as you, or have your own house where you alone pay the bills and can then say "my house, my rules."

    It's pretty clear, even before you posted this, that you and your boyfriend have very different views on how your kids should be treated now that they are adults. You keep expecting him to suddenly start backing you up. Why? You know he feels differently than you do, it's obvious by his responses. Quit expecting him to change, or his kid to change. If you aren't happy with how things are going, then it's time to end the relationship and either you or he needs to move out. Otherwise, you have to accept that this is the way it's going to be.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:59 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Lmao, you raised them that way but I bet you they've had their share of fun in the sack. Remember mommies don't know everything their kids do behind closed doors. You do sound very uptight and self righteous.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 11:15 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it, he's old enough to get a place of his own.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:39 AM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • between this and yesterdays question- I think I would just give up on this boyfriend of yours and his kid. The kid is 18 and is going to do what he wants at this point, and his dad doesn't seem to care. Sorry, but there really isn't much you can do
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 1:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Wow you have some pretty uptight issues with human sexuality. Your BF is never going to handle things the way you want him to because he's not as uptight about it as you are. I'm not even going to comment on the 18 yr old, he's not really the problem here.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 10, 2013