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3 Bumps

I dont get how I can be so unlikable and not good enough for anybody it seems

I just feel so awful right now. I just got engaged and told my mom she was not excited for me and acted like she didn't care at all no congratulations or anything, just "thats nice" she says I am wearing a $4000 ring that is huge and gorgeous I had to ask her 3 freakin times to look at it! oh that's nice she says and then we get home and my almost sister in law comes over, we tell her she is like yeah that's nice and asks me if I picked it out, and says about time with no excitement for us. I dont know why I care what they think but I d,o I keep looking at 3 sons and almost husband we have been together for 8 years and I have been faithful to him and a great mother, and no one really cares about us we are not good enough to hang out for the day they don't offer to baby sit or spend time with our boys and the boys can see that, and get really upset when they don't come over when they plan to and we find out they decided to spend time with someone else and they meaning my mans sister and mom and my mom which are all the family that we have combined dont ever have anything to say to us but talk about other people and complain about their financial troubles and we let them borrow money which we try to avoid but let them when it will get them to stop calling us asking for it, they get so mad at us when we say no we cant let you borrow money and try to tell them why, they dont want to hear it, yet we listen to them complain why they need to borrow our money. I just will never understand why we are not good enough for them unless they want to borrow money and will not even try to spend time with us like the do with their other friends and family. I cant help but doubt this marriage already and wonder what kind of family am I marrying into?

Answer Question

Asked by n8nnickmom at 1:55 PM on Mar. 10, 2013 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,137 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • It sounds like they might be a little green with envy at the financial situation. Honestly, I don't lend things that I am willing to lose in the long run. As for them not being excited for you, it could be that you and your SO have been together for so long that they don't see it as that big of a deal. If they can't be happy for you then stop looking to them for that kind of validation. And if our kids are noticing that they prefer to not spend time with them and it hurts their feelings, it's probably time to give your families the old 'time out'.

    Maybe creating a family of your friends is the best idea.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:13 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Hmm, hard to say there. You are creating your own family. Just be there for eachother within yours and maybe rely more on friends than actual family.

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:20 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Ok, let me get this right. Been together(not married) 8 years. Have 3 kids together. Finally getting married. Flaunting a $4000 ring at family. That think you are already rich, because they keep asking you for money. You will not let them borrow any of. Did I get that right?

    I understand why they are not happy for you.  You are basicly already married. 8 years 3 kids.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:38 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Put an end to giving money and stick to your guns. They are using you.

    Answer by silverthreads at 2:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • we don't let them borrow money too often because we have bills and expenses too hence the reason why we will be getting married now because we now have the money we couldn't afford it then and we were way too young which we still are I am 23 and he is 27!

    Comment by n8nnickmom (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • I imagine they aren't excited because you've been together for so long and are basically married already. And I imagine (not that I'm saying this is what you are actually trying to do) they feel like you're rubbing their noses in the nice ring he gave you and trying to make them feel worse about their own less than ideal financial situation.

    I would stop looking to your families for much of anything. Focus on your own little family, and on friends who are there for you. Make your families more like acquaintances and only see them when you need to.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:02 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • It sounds really disappointing. And like you are hurt, and doubting yourself (your worth) as a result.
    That sounds hard.
    But understandable. Maybe you have an expectation of something or you're hoping for a certain kind of reaction, and when your expectation is not met you feel disappointment, which is painful. (Especially if it also triggers self-doubt or feelings of unworthiness.)

    The feedback here suggests some reasons for the underwhelming & disappointing responses you've had. You & your fiance have been together for a long time; your news is not considered "surprising" or a "big deal." (That doesn't mean it's not; it just means these people don't see it that way, and aren't getting outside themselves to recognize how YOU see it.) They also sound preoccupied, maybe emotionally immature (we're all doing our best with wherever we happen to be on that particular continuum), and that makes self-absorption likely.

    It hurts!!

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:13 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • It hurts when you don't get support from your family, or a happy reaction to the news you try to share with them. But those disappointments are external. How you feel about yourself needs to come from inside you. Don't let your family direct the way you perceive yourself. Live in your own joy, and if they can't join you in it, spend time with people who can. Sometimes friends are way better family than blood family is.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:04 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Maybe it is just not a surprise if you have been together for 8 years and have children together. Do NOT let them ruin your special moment, and do NOT let people affect your marriage, people that will not even be a part of your marriage.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:08 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • You just basically said my story 30 years ago!
    My parents and his showed no emotions when DH proposed to me. If anything, snarky remarks would be made about how it would never last. We'll be married 30 years next month.
    We ended up getting married by the Justice of the Peace, bought our first home, had 2 kids and NEVER asked for a thing from any of them.
    They're jealous of you and your happiness! Do not allow them to make you feel this way! Ignore their remarks and keep your personal life between you and your fiance, kids and closet friends.
    They don't need to share in your joys if they're not going to support you!
    Congratulations and keep your head up!

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 4:33 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

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