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My daughter is having stomache pains, she is 10 and stressing about keeping up at school

She is doing well but has a young teacher who is very unpredictable , one time she nice then the next she yelling....how do I help my daughter handle this?

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Onecrazedmom

Asked by Onecrazedmom at 10:47 PM on Mar. 10, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Is there a possibility of getting her transferred to a different class?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:49 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • talk to her doc & talk to her principal and guidance counselor. No one needs that crap!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:49 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • She might not really be having stomach pains, but literally "belly-aching" so she doesn't have to go.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:00 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • agree with partygalanne
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:07 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Sometimes stress can manifest itself in physical symptoms, and stomach pains are common. I agree with Crafty; talk to the principal or the guidance counselor. A bad scool experience can have very long-lasting negative effects on a person's life. I'd consider getting her moved to a different class if the situation can't be remedied.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:08 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • Part of me wants to pull her from class, but I need to teach her to deal with her until I can get her moved, god knows there's enough bosses out there like this and she'll need help, any coping thoughts, and by the way this is my first time on and I was amazed at the quick help, thanks
    Onecrazedmom

    Comment by Onecrazedmom (original poster) at 11:14 PM on Mar. 10, 2013

  • You also can listen well to her. Repeat back what you are hearing so you can check it with her--checking if you are getting it right. This is a way of holding a mirror up to her. Doing this, you perform the function of containing her feelings FOR her and letting her interact with them in a new way. She is the one who "owns the problem" and if you offer emotional containment, she can begin to engage her feelings in a way that leads to resolution or big changes. Listen for what she is concerned about, and reflect it back. You might hear that she's anxious about pleasing the teacher, or worried that she is not "enough" (not smart enough, not special enough, can't cut it somehow, etc.), or feeling like "if" she doesn't/can't achieve a particular level she may not be worthy. Rather than trying to answer these fears & reassure her in an effort to make it better (as if YOU "own the problem"), focus on UNDERSTANDING her fears well.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:58 AM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • "god knows there's enough bosses out there like this"

    true, but 10 yr olds don't have to deal with them. There's a big difference in emotions and maturity between a 10 yr old, or a 16 yr old, 25 yr old, or 40 yr old. Yes, she does need to learn how to deal with people of this type, but not yet. Right now, she needs to be surrounded by people who are supportive and helpful, not people who put her on edge and make it hard for her to focus on what she should be focused on - getting a good education.

    You have plenty of time to teach her how to handle people like this teacher, and you can do it without leaving her in the hands of this teacher. The longer she deals with this, the more she'll dislike school. And if she dislikes school, her education will suffer. Is teaching her how to deal with difficult people really more important than a quality education (that just might lead to her being her own boss someday?)?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:14 AM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • I totally agree that this situation is something you respond to or get involved with as a parent, communicating with the professionals mentioned above in order to make them aware of the issue & to collaborate in addressing it.

    It sounded to me like you were asking about how to help your daughter deal with the situation "until I can get her moved" (rather than suggesting that "just dealing with it" because she may encounter situations like this later in life was a total solution.)

    So that's what I was responding to...how to respond to a child who is distressed. How to respond to a child's expressions of dread & anxiety in a way that helps (by facilitating the child's emotional process.)

    I fully believe this situation should involve the parent & other adults in problem-solving. At the same time, helping to resolve feelings in a situation is most of all a matter of listening & supporting (facilitating) the person.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:52 AM on Mar. 11, 2013

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