Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

My adult daughter is so pulling away from our family. Her father passed away on the 30th of December, and since then she has changed. She won't answer her phone and tells me she gets back better if I text her. I text, she answers in one or two words..nothing more. I don't know what to do. She has nothing to do with her brother or sister.

Answer Question
 
brokenMom63

Asked by brokenMom63 at 1:03 PM on Mar. 11, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • It's hard, but you may have to let her have her space for a while. Everybody grieves differently. Just keep inviting her to be part of the family and letting her know you're there for her, but don't take it personally if she doesn't respond.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:07 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • Maybe she's depressed. Everyone mourns differently. Give her space & tell her that you understand how she feels & that you are there to talk when she needs to. Have you gone over to see her in person? Maybe stop by & bring lunch or ask her to go out for the day. Has she said that she is upset?

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:09 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • This was me 3 years ago. I feel for you. When my boys' dad died unexpectedly, I made an appt. w/ hospice for free grief counseling. My oldest went, but my middle son backed out. Since he was an adult, I couldn't force him. All I could do was be there for him when he wanted to talk. It took him a long time to work thru the grieving process. Sometimes I think he's still working thru it. Everyone is different & the amount of time it takes them to work thru things is different. It's so hard when our children are in pain & we are powerless to make it go away. You will need lots of patience, & maybe your own grief counseling to help you thru. *Hugs*

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:39 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • hugs

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • I think you can only keep the lines of communication open. Stay available, reach out, and be respectful of her right to have her feelings & make her own decisions. Even decisions you don't like & feelings that distress you!

    I think the more you recognize this consciously, the less your focus will default to things like what you can "do" to make her change/behave differently (or what you can "do" to change/fix this situation), and the more you will default to constructive action. In other words, the more you truly recognize & embrace that she is free to feel & choose however she does, the more sense it will make that communicating personally (i.e., about yourself & your experience) and being available/open IS doing something!

    This means letting her know how you feel (rather than interpreting "what she's doing.") You feel fearful or concerned, confused, worried, etc. You believe she's pulling away. Versus, she IS pulling away.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:36 PM on Mar. 12, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Adult Children (18+)
Online chat thing

Next question overall (School-Age Kids (5-8))
Supervised

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN