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After an arguement that started with me and my husband but ended with him not talking to his family, how do we get back to us again.

My husband and I recently had a misunderstanding about what he thought I said and what I truly said. This happened in a place where his mother heard and had to put her point in. Then it ended with me leaving argument before I said something I regretted but his dad got into with my husband and so did his brother. Things were said that were hurtful and now my husband blames me for. I take my share in blame but how long should I let this go for hoping it will blow over. It has been 2 days of no talking and harsh texts. I am beginning to wonder if we can get over this or not.

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wifeandmom1626

Asked by wifeandmom1626 at 9:58 PM on Mar. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • If this was a misunderstanding between you and your DH I don't understand why his family is involved? Apologize for walking out, explain that you were upset and felt this was a private matter.  You have no control over what happened after you left.  Than leave it up to your DH.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:03 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • Askyour husband to top the blame game. Apologize for your part, but tell him you can't change the past, and you hope you both can find a way to move forward. If you have a good relationship, hopefully this will soon pass. If not, the anger may be a sign of your deeper problems.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:45 PM on Mar. 11, 2013

  • No talking and harsh texts? And his family got involved? NOT good.

    Send him a text saying the two of you need to talk. JUST you, no family members. And then follow through on what Ballad already advised. There's no going back on what was said.

    The involvement of his family is the really bad part. Ignore any texts from them and DO NOT RESPOND. Your husband needs to remember YOU are the family he chose; they are merely people he shares genes with.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:42 AM on Mar. 12, 2013

  • I think reaching resolution is less about things blowing over & more about hearing the feelings involved. If he's blaming you for "it" happening, you can bet that he feels upset about what was said to him by his family, and he's focusing on how it wouldn't have happened IF.....
    The more you can separate yourself from "taking it personally" and instead can hear what he says (including his blaming) as expressing valid thoughts & feelings about the situation, the more likely you will be able to "hear" him in a way that helps. This isn't about disagreeing OR agreeing with him; it's about being able to listen & allow him to have his thoughts & feelings (even if they are skewed or unfair!)
    This means you're responding non-defensively, which helps him drop some of HIS defensiveness. (Blaming you is defensive.) It also gives him a chance to "reconsider" & shift (he's less likely to do this if you're reasoning with him or debating.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:22 AM on Mar. 12, 2013

  • Responding with acceptance is something you can do that helps put him in touch with his feelings about the situation (right now, it sounds like he's in touch with his struggle AGAINST the situation but not his actual feelings--he's caught in struggling with reality, saying it shouldn't have happened, that it wouldn't have happened if only YOU hadn't XYZ.) Underneath all that admittedly emotional/volatile stuff are "primary emotions" related to what happened with his family. He is more likely to connect to his hurt, surprise, anger, disappointment (etc.) & to come to terms with it if he has space for his thoughts & feelings as they are.
    (Being able to validate someone & accept their feelings/perceptions does NOT mean "agreeing" with them, or agreeing the feelings are "true." It's more about having the space inside yourself to let that be so for them & get it, even while holding your own reality & perceptions.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:40 AM on Mar. 12, 2013

  • You're right girlwithc. I need to accept my part in it and if I hadn't have been misunderstood by something I said, maybe this wouldn't be happening. I appreciate the feedback and am willing to try it to see if it helps. I think it just might. :))
    wifeandmom1626

    Comment by wifeandmom1626 (original poster) at 12:26 PM on Mar. 12, 2013

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