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i tried everything , but he can't stop talking to her. we are having great sex, everyday, and i am giving himmore attention than ever. but it is not over yet, i love him more than my life,can't divorce him, but want him to love me as he use to. what should i do

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tmughal65

Asked by tmughal65 at 5:45 AM on Mar. 13, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you can't make him love you and you need to love yourself more. You are his wife and deserve to be number 1 in his life and if he isn't willing to put you there then you need to leave. Tell him that he can't have you and her in his life and he needs to choose.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 5:59 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • He probably knows how you feel, he must be pretty sure you won't leave no matter what he does. Since you aren't leaving and are having great sex with him every day - plus he's getting his side piece too, what incentive does he have to change?
    Unless you are willing to put your foot down and demand change, he won't. You deserve so much better than this and it's sad that neither you nor him see that.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:23 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • You can only change yourself. He mistreats because he knows you'll put up with it. Find interests that don't involve him, let him know you're going to start taking care of yourself.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:52 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • If he is just talking, it may be innocent- maybe. Get counseling.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:17 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • It sounds like you like being a doormat. Just stay with him & let him keep walking all over you.
    Or... stand up & punch him in the dick on your way out.
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 8:47 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • You love him more than your own life? This cannot be you can love another person but never more you are important as well. Take a deep breath and move back if he is not giving you what you give him its over. No one wants to be a door mat look at what you want and move forward. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:59 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Talk to her. I had to go have a face to face with my ex's gf and tell her to back off and let me try. If it didn't work between us she could have him. Her mother happened to be there as well so the talk didn't get crazy. She did what I asked. He still was a general jerk to me (and liked to hit) so I left. Turns out she left too. So he ended up alone. lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:59 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • I've known couples who, when an affair was confessed/discovered (or when one partner revealed strong ambivalence about the marriage & attraction to someone else), had a period of indecision during which they were trying to make up their minds. So that might be where you're at...an affair (or "feelings") confessed, and some indecision as far as whether to stay & break off the affair, or whether to leave the marriage.
    It doesn't necessarily MEAN that he's presently "getting it on the side."
    Impossible to tell from this post, though.

    One friend did go through that period of emotional back-and-forth immediately after her husband told her about his affair. He initially told her because he & his girlfriend were planning to leave their marriages to be together, but he had a huge change of heart once he told his wife & he was torn about leaving, so the girlfriend was in "limbo" while they worked through the betrayal issues & "tried."
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:51 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • so, let me see if i have this right


    he is chatting with another woman, maybe more
    ...and you are rewarding him (with more and better sex)


    rewarding bad behavior just encourages it

    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:54 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • As far as what you "should do".....My thought would be to let him know your bottom line, what you want from him. Such as, you want him to make a clear decision, the marriage or the other woman, and commit to it. You want him not to see her if he decides he's going to "work on things" with you. Whatever it is. Communicate your expectations & your bottom line.
    Let him know that YOU want to be with him, and hope but this is your personal limit. (You want a clear ending, etc.)
    (If you are willing to be together while he "decides" then the above is NOT your personal limit; it's your preference or wish. But now is the time to reflect on what you will & will not accept or tolerate.)

    From your post it sounds like you've been waiting for him to decide to finally end things with her, and he hasn't yet. That sounds like a really painful place, and if you're accepting this & waiting, then it's normal & reasonable to be hurting right now.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:46 AM on Mar. 13, 2013

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