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There is so much arguing about each other. I just want to know how many stepmoms married their stepkids out of an affair and how many Bio moms left their husbands, they married someonesle and now your jealous? I can see both sides, but if the stepmom is married to this man out of an affair, i can see why the biomom can be resentful. but in the same sense, if the biomom left the husband for whatever reason, then they shouldn't take it out on the stepmom.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Feb. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • jealousy is a nasty thing. I'm guessing the bio mom thought when she left he'd be miserable without her and he's not so she's pissed! Life is too short for all that crap. I left my x and at first was jealous when he remarried then realized she had to put up with his nonsense so I changed my tune!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:04 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I am a step mom and bm has caused so much trouble it isn't funny (we are talking cops here several times and a 2 1/2 year long cps battle.) SHE had the affair not once but twice. He took her back after the first time thinking things would be different. The second time she took off left the kids behind then came and took one back (not biologically DH's ) then when we got together she decided she didn't want another woman being "mom" to her daughter and started calling around people who she never spoke to in years to get"dirt " on me which there wasn't any. So she had to make stuff up. Thousands in legal fees later she got her child back and rarely lets her call or visit. She runs from me in stores even though she is 3x's the size of me The woman is trash but not all BM's are sometimes the sm is trash. I did not even know dh till way after the divorce.

    babyfat5

    Answer by babyfat5 at 9:06 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I know you are going to hear all kinds of drama but Thank God all is good for us. I mean we have our ups and downs but manage to work it out.


    I am a SM. She left him for someone else when she know my dh had me she wanted to come back by then she was damaged goods atleast that is what my dh said...lol.


    As far as the SKids everything is good they are very good people I love them and they love me and that is all that matters right. Just live your happy life and move on. (This is for the woman that can't let go) Do it or you will be miserrable. I guess the grass wasn't greener on the otherside after all for the ones that leave to find better. GL

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:33 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • It is ridiculous and caddy imho! Everyone needs to know their place, don't violate boundaries, respect each other, and move FORWARD....for the kids!! I am both a Mom and a step. As long as the step never disciplines the child only supporting the Mom and Dad's decisions and is put in a role of the supporter, not the invader, everything will be fine. The kids end up resenting the step, causing dissension and discord within the blended family. If everyone is REALLY heart felt, FOR the children, then misery isn't even an option or a thought. Remember, blended families are hard enough, don't make it more so and a lasting emotional turmoil damaging the children, by petty fighting and violating boundaries!!

    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 9:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I also wanted to add that there is always two sides of a story or situation. Do not always believe your dh's side, it's his view and may be distorted. Same with Mom though. We all process grief and tribulations differently. I have a situation where my sons Dad has done NOTHING but LIE LIE LIE about me to his new wife. It has tainted her judgement of me so much so that no matter what I do, I'm always judged and critisized. She is controlling and disrespectful. She disregards me as though I were nothing more than a whore who had his child. I'm saying that I would send her b-day gifts, someone special Mom's Day cards, new baby gifts, new house gifts...I tried everything. Because I could care less about her relationship with my sons Dad, I only care about being the right role model for my son, what is best for HIM is of the utmost importance. Remember, sometimes, no matter what you do, nothing may work, just do what is right!
    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 9:54 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I have to say my peace (again) if the stepmom does not discipline the stepkids what kind of family life are we setting. I am a BM and SM. It is like saying ok to the stepkids...you can walk all over me the stepmom until dad comes home..bs..bs..bs..
    My stepkids listen to me and they will continue to listen to me in my HOME..
    Their father and I are totally on the same page when it comes to discipline and rules in the home.
    My stepkids walk all over their mother, and they will not walk all over me.
    My SO did not cheat on his X, she was and is a complusive liar.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:55 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Dannee, I'm sorry, but professionally speaking, you are very wrong. Blessed is right. Discipline should only come from the parents, their discipline structure should be supported by the step parents, they should not administer discipline.  Ask any adolescent professional, they will tell you the same thing.  It is very detrimental to any child's emotional mental and developmental health for a step to be the disciplinarian. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • anon since you know so much..why hide.. I disagree with you..
    I will discipline my skids and they will learn respect from my DH and I...
    there is no workable BM in our picture..
    all families are different..I am sure that your "college" degree taught you that
    all families
    are
    different..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:47 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Dannee.....I'm sorry that you are so disturbed by my answer and are so defensive. That is not my intensions at all. First of all, the discipline structure needs to be set between Mom and Dad, and DAD needs to carry out the discipline. (or Mom) For instance, house rules in your home NEVER should be disrespected or broken and I am certainly NEVER saying that you should EVER be "walked" all over or disrespected in YOUR home, but the discipline needs to be carried out by the DAD...NOT you. Truly, I agree with Anon, if you were ever to take your step kids to a counselor or family counseling, they will all tell you this very thing. What kind of home it sets? Your HUBBY is the kids DAD, he is the only one to administer discipline, the home will be a secure and safe one for the children. You may not always be around, but Dad will. Mom will. How old are your step kids? How would you feel if your kids were spanked by the step
    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 11:59 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I post Anon largely in part because I can and secondly because of backlash from hostile Mom's who can't handle facts and truth. Your hostility towards me tells me a lot about you. If your step kids were to be in counseling, you would be surprised to hear what they really think about you. You and your husband couldn't be more wrong in allowing you to be in the disciplinary role with children who aren't yours. It has irreparable damage to the children. You are right, every family is different, that goes without saying, but every family needs boundaries within that family structure and your boundaries are that the children should be only disciplined by their parent, not the step. I wish you the best in your families endeavors and I wish that you would be open minded to hear professionals advice and expertise on this matter. It is harmful for a child's developments if you agree or disagree.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

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