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2 Bumps

BMs do you want a SM who wants to be a mother or not...

So lately I have been reading a lot of posts about SMs. And I have seen people bash SM for being to involved in skid(s)' lives and then I have seen SMs being bashed if they even mention something negative about skid(s). So what are SM suppose to do, be indifferent and mind her owbn business and kids, or be a mother figure?

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Asked by LiLJeni at 2:05 PM on Mar. 13, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 30 (44,491 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Its a lose lose situation. If we mind our own business we are bashed if we act as a mother figure we are bashed. IMO who gives a flying fuck about what strangers think. I am a good relationship with my S mom and I play a mother role with him and treat him as if he is my own and that means punishing him when need be. His mom does not care and sees me as a 2nd mom.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:10 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Each situation is different. Maybe bio dads need to step up more.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 2:11 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Just be nice & compassionate to a child whose Mom & Dad broke up.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:11 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Follow your conscience and your heart. For me, that means being involved in the life of my stepson, and caring about him as if he were my own. It doesn't mean trying to take his mom's place. There will be some who bash you no matter what you do; to hell with them.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:17 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • I'm an outsider to this, but much of the time when I see posts where people complain about their ex's new spouse, it's all about the failed relationship, not about how the ex's spouse behaves. If it were my kid, I hope I would be mature enough about it to want her to have, if not another parent, at least another caring adult that she could look to for guidance and support.

    Answer by SWasson at 2:23 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • I think there's a very fine line between being the stepmother who just wants to be a helpful adult figure in the child's life, and appearing as though you're trying to take over the mother's role. It's not always easy to see that line and know when you've crossed it, either, mainly because you're (the stepmother) not the one who defines that line - the mother and/or father usually is, and sometimes they even move it on you.

    I think for some mothers, too, it's not so much the stepmother herself but the implications that cause the negative reaction. As a single mom, I often hear "Oh, I don't know how you do it", "Oh, I could never parent my kids by myself", "Oh, kids need two parents" and so on. If I let it, those things could really get to me and make me feel like I'm not good enough - and if that happened, yeah, I could see myself feeling a little put out if it seemed like a stepmother was crossing that fine line.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:25 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Well for one, I'd like to NOT be referred to as a "BM". I am my children's "mother", not "birth mother". I didn't just give birth to my girls, I also care for them daily. I wipe the snot from their noses when they're sick. I work on their homework with them. Whoever my ex marries, will just be the woman who's around daddy on the weekends. It's great if she cares but, she will never be more than their step mother.

    Answer by 3libras at 2:28 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • 3libras I was not trying to offend any one, sorry if I did. I was just using terminology everyone knows.

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 2:42 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • Inmy situation it was always someone new around my kids because their father was going through a "selfish" phase and screwing everything that moved. I never paid any attention to these women because the relationship between myself and the father was solid. When it came to parenting the children the "new lady" had no say because we both knew that she wasn't anything permanent. I told my ex that if he is ever serious about someone it will be different but until then I don't feel comfortable having any of these "ladies" parent our children. He was totally on the same page with me. Now that years have passed and he's married to someone she has more involvement with our kids(taking them to practice, helping with homework, watching them when I'm not available.) It's just about making the effort. You can't let petty feeling fuel this because like it or not, your children will have some sort of relationship with another female figure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

  • if my ex ever remarries i would want someone to treat them like they were her own children. i would want the three of us (ex, new wife and me) to all be a united front when it comes to discipline and things of that nature. whats irritating about some women is they are selfish and want the father to themselves, they get jealous of the time he spends with his children. THAT is what i have a problem with, and ive experienced it first hand with my oldest's bio-dad. his wife is a cunt, but so is he.

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:25 PM on Mar. 13, 2013

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