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2 Bumps

I need help or a way to get over my problem i hope anybody can help even with words.

my problem is i cought my husband going to a strip clubs, and i knew that he met a young stripper 21 yrs old.... he is 43.and i am 30 yrs old... one day i saw messages on his phone , he and her were texting each others,not sexual stuff. but nice way of talking and flirting. for example he wrote her( i am in a another strip club having a drink with russian girl but its not the same like with u ).....the next day i went to check on his face book and i found that he is planning a surprise for her birthday.i encounter him and i made a big fight ,he told me they are just friends and he is helping her , i didnt believe him , so he left the house 3 weeks. he only came home on the weekends.and he stopped going to stripp clubs while he was out of the house. but they stayed talking to each others about my husband problem in his house which is that i dont accept a stripper to be a friend of his.
after all i said u have to come home and unfriend her from ur life. actually he did and i made sure coz i dont trust any word he says , he came back home (after i threaten him that i want a divorce) he hit me like crazy and he closed the doors, so i dont leave )... any ways, he told her infront of me in a message that its not going to work bla bla bla,....
oh by the way he got her a stripper male as a surprise on her birthday and later on he told me that it was disgusting how stripper touched her.he also told me once that she is beautiful girl but he doesnt have any ssexual attention for her,,,,(trying to convince my self and believe him)..
i didnt leave him in the first place coz i have kids,, all my friends told me that life has to go on, he is home and u r happy together , and u won him back... but i feel its not enough he hurt me a lot... i cant get over it ... i just cant and i keep every thing hidden in my heart.....


sorrry english is my second language,and i am writing while i am crying. so i know am all over the place sorry.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on Mar. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • DIVORCE,he's not going to stop seeing her
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:39 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • So you threatened to divorce him and he HIT you and then locked you in? In what way is that acceptable? Why is your husband even going to strip clubs in the first place? He should be at home with his family. Even if she were not a stripper, he shouldn't be planning "surprises" for other women's birthdays. Heck, this is all so wrong on so many levels ...

    Personally, I couldn't handle all of the suspicion. I couldn't handle him paying so much attention to another woman (she is clearly much more than a simple friend). I'd be planning on leaving. You said you can't leave because you have children? Really? Don't you think that all this drama is having an effect on them? Look at what you're teaching them - that neglecting your wife and family for a stripper is OK, that beating your wife and locking her in is OK, that lying to your wife is OK ...

    Please go to your nearest women's shelter and ask them to advise you. Please.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 9:45 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Not to sound harsh, but your first mistake is staying for the kids. I did that and it made me miserable. I am in no way trying to say don't work on it, but if you feel like you can't trust him then it's not going to work. If a relationship has no trust then there is nothing there. Just speaking from experience. If you really want to make it work then try to go to some form of counseling. But the minute you start demanding that he not do something is the moment he is going to do the opposite.

    But also if he hit you... that definately would be the end. There isn't any reason for that. Because when they do it once, they will do it again and think it's ok. I would distance yourself from him for a while and then maybe he will see how it feels. If he truly loves you then he will see what an ass he really is for the things he has put you through.

    goofygalno1

    Answer by goofygalno1 at 10:22 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Hon, you need to call the police!

    No man has a right to hit a woman! PERIOD!
    Any fears you may have pertaining to, I have no money, no where to go etc. Let me lay those to rest now and tell you there are places to go! Tell the officer you need help and they'll give you all the resources you need.
    If he hit you, he'll do it again. This is a sure thing! It makes him powerful and you submissive!
    For you and your kids call the police and get the hell out!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 10:41 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Okay, I'm not paying attention to all of this. He hit you? Did I read that correctly? He hit you "like crazy"? Call the cops and get him arrested. Get your kids and get out. Go to a battered women's shelter, stay with a friend or relative, wherever you have to go to get away from him.

    The rest of it...totally unimportant in the face of him hitting you. Hitting you is the deal breaker. Strippers, cheating, talking, none of that matters at this point.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:38 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • get out of there. i believe some marriages can come back from things such as cheating, (if there were under lying problems and the cheater was genuinely sorry and you both sought counceling) -- but in my opinion, there is no working it out when he lays a hand on you.. and in this situation he isnt sorry about talking to this girl.. he enjoys it and is having fun on the side by going to these clubs and talking to this girl.. and staying for the kids isnt enough to keep a marriage going. if its not healthy, then its actually better for your kids if you left. if he comes near you again and tries to hit you call the police on his ass!! by you giving him a free pass on the first time, your allowing him to think there arent consequences to abusing you!
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 11:40 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • F that. Leave.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 11:58 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • It isn't ever okay for someone to hit you. Not ever. Not for any reason, no matter what. You deserve better than that.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:49 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • "he hit me like crazy and he closed the doors, so i dont leave"
    This right here is the biggest problem you have. Not only did he beat you (which is domestic violence) he also held you against your will by locking you in (which is kidnapping in some states). You need to at least get the hell away from him while you still can. I am in no way saying you can't try and work it out with him, but I would suggest he take some anger managment classes and counseling before you do.
    I would also suggest counseling for you. You need to figure out what you want out of your marriage and whether you feel it is worth saving and working for. The talking to a stripper and going to strip clubs became a moot point the SECOND he layed his hand on you.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 1:21 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Next time he leaves, put his shit outside, get a PFA, and change the locks.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:31 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

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