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3 Bumps

How would you react, what would you do

i am in a rich area of the city
i am not rich at all
a got a wool coat from goodwill, it is warm, plaid- possibly ugly (will try to attach pic)
so two weeks ago, it is really cold, all the parents picking up their kids are cold
this woman, (do not know her last name, her child was in my child's class last year) says to me..
"you look freezing, you need a new coat"
i say " well, it is freezing out here, this is wool, i am just as cold as everyone else " ..paraphrased
she said " well, you need a down coat" i say "wool is warm, and i can not afford a new down coat, maybe when i see one at goodwill, but they go pretty fast"
she says "well, you can get one at Macy's, they are on sale now, i got this one from half off" blah blah etc

well, yesterday i go to pick up daughter, and she has a Macy's bag, i say "oh, did you go shopping, or is it boring stuff" parphrased, just making conversation.
she hands me the bag and says " here, this is a coat for you"...and it was?!
i tried to make light of it, i said you can not just buy me a coat. she said i had to have it. i joked back "you just do not like my goodwill coat, you think it is ugly, you can admit it" she says "it is dated" i continue to joke back about its ugliness. then say you are a small, i am a large, she was like " it is a large and people do nice things for each other and you can be thankful" ...or something like that. so i thanked her and gave her a little hug.

i get home, take coat out, and it is brand new! i feel weird about the whole thing, i really do not know her, i do not NEED a coat, not like mine was stolen or ruined/ripped when i fell down or something. just because i am not like the other moms, i know i stand out, i am ok with that

funny thing, 90% of the moms picking up and dropping off are all wearing dark black or charcoal down coats, it is like a f,ing uniform or something

she was not at drop off this am, thank goodness, i was wearing my old one, as i do not feel right accepting this, i do not like feeling like a charity case or something. and she was not happy when i tried to back off from accepting yesterday.

so i can try to return it to her, saying i can not accept a new coat from her, or i can go get a thank you card and little gift and give it to her with more thanks from me

i feel so is an odd situation, the woman is a bit off (i think she is bi polar, some days super over the top full of energy and other days, very bummed out, and she made quick mention about having anxiety issues, so there is something to my thoughts of bi polar. i do not want to hurt her feeling but i also do not want to have to thank this woman every time i see her and feel weird about it



Asked by fiatpax at 9:42 AM on Mar. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (51)
  • Even if she thinks it's pathetic or sad to be wearing a "dated" style, and that she needed to "save you" from that, it just tells you about her. (And I don't mean it says anything "bad." It simply suggests that she prioritizes "what others think," that it's important to look a certain way or present a particular image. It suggests that she makes some judgments about people/worth based on things like style.)

    I'm just saying the action is ABOUT her expectations & assumptions (and we can only make guesses about those.)

    But pity or "help" would come from that perspective--that the situation as it was "needed" addressing, or somehow would have been uncomfortable for her so she felt compelled to help you out.

    In that sense it's a caring gesture but it may reflect values that you don't share (for instance, you didn't feel a "need" to be rescued from shame, lol.)

    You sound refreshing & down-to-earth, by the way. Very unflappable!!

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:28 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • She did something really nice for you! Say thank you, write her a note maybe with a plate of brownies or something and accept it. It's obviously something she really wanted to do.

    Answer by missanc at 9:55 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Paxy, she wanted you to have it. There's a reason why people do what they do and for her to buy you a coat was very very sweet.
    You should wear it proudly, and not think another thing about it.
    You said thank you once and there is no need to say thank you again.

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 10:26 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • no,,it was very nice of her. and its ok . some times this is the way people know each others and make friends.. i would accept it and be very thankful. she is nice,and u desrve the best .

    Answer by mamishad at 9:49 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • That was very nice of her. Take it and enjoy it.

    Next time, don't mention you can't afford a new coat or whatever item. It's better not to discuss finances with anyone outside your family.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 9:54 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • It's sad to think that it's "odd" to do something kind for someone. Just thank her and wear it to the school. Feel good about the fact that you met someone nice in a world where people do such crappy things to each other.

    Next time you buy something you like at goodwill or a thrift store, I'd just tell people...."I love vintage clothing, I know I don't look like everyone else when I find something vintage, so I seek these things out."

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:41 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • If you think you would enjoy the warmth of the new coat, enjoy it. It was a very nice thing that she did. You can offer some child sitting services to say thank you and who knows, you might get a new friend out of it.

    As for Macy's they can be expensive, but if there is a sale, sometimes the reduced prices are reduced more. I got DD's $100 bat mitzvah dress - marked down to $35, for $20! Plus if you get on their mailing list they send you coupons, which also work on sale items. I don't go often, but I score big when I do.

    My kids go/went to a private school and I know all about not quite fitting in - f*ck them. I'm the hippie crunchy mom, whose kids always have their sandwiches on fresh baked bread, homemade cheese or yogurt, and granola.I actually kind of revel in my um, uniqueness.


    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:25 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • I think that was a very nice gesture. You should just thank her, with gratitude and leave it at that. In all honesty, that is a rarity these days.

    Answer by m-avi at 10:53 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Take the coat!!! Wicked nice of the lady.

    Answer by staciandababy at 11:34 AM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • I'd feel really wierd too accepting it but she did it out of niceness. She may be going through a very bad point in her life & this is something she did to feel better about herself. Like good things come to you when you do good things for others, maybe. I would wear it to school to P/U your Daughter. We only have a few more weeks of cold weather hopefully. I think she did it more for herself. I'd wear it just to make her happy. You never know, she may end up to be a very good friend. BTW, I like the coat you had too.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:43 AM on Mar. 15, 2013