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How do I tell my Best Friend we are not in highschool anymore?

I have had the same best friends for years and we have always been pretty close, however as of late I just can't stand her anymore. She still wants to do things we did in highschool (drive around, go to Wal*Mart etc). We are both 25 now and I am expecting my first child. She is a mother of 5 year old twins. We both have very different ideas of what a parent is (not saying either one is right). Even after she had her boys she would still run all over with them, taking them with her at all hours of the night to hang out with her friends. I believe that a child needs a regular schedule, bedtime etc. She is slowly changing as well, she is just one of those people whose life is always going so well even though its not. I catch her in lies all the time and have tried to steer converstations away from money(her favorite topic) and other personal issues, because I just dont think its right to talk about. I do like her but she needs to realize that we arent in highscool anymore and our parenting styles are going to be diferent. I am just at my wits end!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Mar. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Timeto distance yourself from her some. It will probably happen anyways after your baby is born.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:02 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Tell her what you wrote in bold print.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:04 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • i dont think u need to tell her "we arent in highschool anymore" but i do think you need to start distacing yourself from her.. your going into a new pat of your life and you are both opposites when it comes to parenting.. i dont see why you cant still be friends.. just dont be AS close
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 2:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • You don't need to tell her anything necessarily. You can simply distance yourself. Don't be available to do those things she wants to do - driving around, getting together at all hours, etc. Find new friends more in line with how you want to live your life now, and as you busy with them, and unavailable to hang with her, she'll gradually gravitate toward those who do want to do what she does, and the friendship will eventually go by the wayside on its own.

    Or she'll realize why you're backing off, grow up and act like an adult, thus allowing you to continue to be friends. Either way, you don't have to come right out and say anything.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Sometimes friends grow apart. It doesn't sound like you have much in common anymore. Perhaps it's time to expand your horizon and find like minded people to hang out with. Then you won't have to tell her anything. You don't need to tell her that you aren't in high school anymore, as this will only breed resentment between the two of you. There may be a time where she grows up and at that point you might be able to pick up the friendship again down the road. If you burn a bridge now, that won't be possible later.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:14 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • You will find the differences are GREATER rather than smaller when your child arrives. Sounds like this is an outgrown friendship. You don't need to tell her anything; if you don't have time, you don't have time.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:19 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • You've grown up and she hasn't.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 6:28 PM on Mar. 15, 2013

  • Best friends go apart.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:46 AM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • *grow*
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:46 AM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • You can let her know what you're not into. Just that you don't really want to do that (ride around, etc.) See what comes of the honest communication & personal limits.
    Maybe your relationship will grow or adapt. Maybe it will become more distant (because she wants to be around someone who takes her as she is and wants to share time together on those terms.) That wouldn't be bad or inaccurate. As long as you honor your feelings & hers, it would be win-win. (If you insist that she should see things your way, or if she insists that you should--so either she is "immature" or you are "judgmental" & "don't really care about her"--then things will be more bumpy because you're both trying not to be "wrong.") But a no-fault zone is possible, where you are honest about your feelings/preferences, and she is either hurt/offended, or she adapts, and you accept either response as OK (and not wrong.)

    Problems come from trying to be "right"!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:55 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

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