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What is the protocol?

my 1st grader was at her classmates house without me for approx. 4 hours which was heavily structured with a meal, a movie, and so on. When we picked her up we learned her friend was "whooped and paddled" for being naughty. Not in eyeshot of my daughter but she could hear the whole thing and was confused/uneasy afterwards about how to react. IE comforting her friend, etc

I've never been in this position before, other than the flip side (my mom hitting me when I had friends over) and it's seemingly just as awkward and uncomfortable from both ends.

My husband has put his foot down that she simply isn't allowed over there again, period. Make play dates to the park and pool or even bowling but not their house. I am not 100% sure that drastic response is necessary

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Mar. 16, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • It's up to you, but I agree with your husband. Then again, I don't leave my kids alone anywhere at that age.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:46 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I would agree with your DH. This made your DD uncomfortable. Why put her in that situation again?

    Answer by musicmaker at 2:47 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I would continue to allow her over there. This would be a good opportunity to explain how all families work differently and how while you might not parent like that, those who do aren't necessarily mean people.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 2:52 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • It was bad form for the parents of the other child to punish her in that way while your daughter was at their house. They shoud have waited or not had your daughter over. I agree with your husband, at least for the near future, that it would be awkward to send your daughter over there again.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:53 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • If that is something you do not want your child around. Stop letting yur child go over their. Two ways to deal with this. 1. Wait tell the other parents wan your child over again, then cofront them o the issue. 2. Call them now and confront them now.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:54 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I distinctly recall, when I was about 14 or 15, going to spend the night at a friend's house, and her parents fighting, screaming at each other and her mother chasing her father around with a knife. I was old enough to call my mom, plead headache and get out of there. And I never went back, never wanted to. Stayed friends with the girl, but never went to her house again.

    I agree with your husband, but not just because I think he's right. I think chances are, your daughter probably isn't too comfortable with the idea of going over there like that again, but she might not feel comfortable saying so (or maybe she can't find the words to express it). She's too young to have learned the ins and outs of dealing with something like this, so by saying "Daddy says no", not only is she not put in that situation again, but when the friend asks, your daughter can put it on Daddy, rather than try to explain herself or go through it again

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I would NOT send my child back there... no way. And, I would flat out tell the other mother why!!

    Answer by Crafty26 at 4:26 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I agree with your DH, too. I think that is confusing and stressful for her to witness.
    I also would be concerned that she might be disciplined that way while there. Doubtful, maybe, but you just never know, especially if you have never discussed it with them.
    I would also have no problem telling them that is too stressful for your DD at this young age to hear a spanking because that is not how it goes in your house. I wouldn't say it in a judging way, it's just the way it is.
    You can't expect them to change their house rules, but you can spare DD that experience again by keeping her out of there.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 8:06 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • That kind of experience can impact them for life. It would confuse your child on your parenting style. You also have to assume that they might do the same to your child one day. I wouldn't trust someone like that with my child. You can't be paddling toddlers who obviously don't know right from wrong yet. Aside from this incident, I wouldn't be trusting anyone I don't really know that well either to be watching my 1 year old. My friend is a counselor and trust me, there are a lot of abuses that can go on for little ones and even older ones. It's the way that these people start introducing themselves to your family and start grooming you by saying, "oh sure I'll watch your kids for you, don't worry...." years later, you treat them like a family friend and then the abuse starts or gets revealed. This may not be the case but I'm just saying, I want someone I trust very well watching my kids.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 5:28 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

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