Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Enthusiastic Consent adult content

The idea of "enthusiastic consent" to sex is that silence is not consent, never has been and never will be. If you dont have enthusiastic consent, you don't have consent at all, and you shouldn't go forward. Consent is not simply the absence of a verbal 'no' or some form of physical resistance.

I was reading an article about a rape case in Ohio where the defense tried to say that because the victim, who was drunk and unresponsive at the time, didn't verbally say no to the assaults, she consented to what happened to her. That defense is nothing worse than despicable.

But while the idea of enthusiastic consent would be awesome in an ideal world, I'm wondering about those of us who probably would very rarely have sex if the requirement were to say yes with enthusiasm, instead of talking ourselves into dealing with it because we love our partners and know their needs. The idea of enthusiastic consent is a definite step forward in challenging the "rape culture" we live in. Obviously silence is not consent, but where's the line to be drawn? Putting up with sex because you know your partner wants it isn't rape, but where's the line to be drawn? What about that Anon post from a while back where the woman asked any of us if we ever mentally or emotionally left our bodies during sex so we wouldn't have to deal with it?

I'm just interested in different points of view.

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 5:27 PM on Mar. 16, 2013 in Politics & Current Events

Level 45 (193,916 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I don't think there is a definite "line" that we could put into words. It SHOULD be common sense. Normal, sane people would be able to read body language and actions (kissing, fondling, reaching for the condom, etc) and see the implied "yes". They should also be able to read the body language and actions of someone saying "no", even without it being verbal. While I never uttered the word "no", the villain in my story should've been able to read the rigidness of my body and the tears streaming down my face as the loud-and-clear "NO" it was.

    Ugh! It's common sense! It makes me want to kick something that this is even an issue. The lines shouldn't HAVE to be defined. They're pretty damned clear to anyone who isn't looking to do harm (physical, emotional, mental) to another human being.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 5:42 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • This is why teenagers shouldn't drink alcohol. Common sense (not that teens have much of that to begin with - lol :p) goes out the window when they are drinking. Now one poor girl is scarred for life & 2 young boys are labeled for life. The defense was grabbing at straws to try to save his clients' asses. And they lost, rightly so.  As for enthusiastic consent, I feel bad for the ladies out there who aren't enthused enough to say "YES" to their partners like they really mean it! :/

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Well, the two kids in the case WERE convicted, on all counts. So, it seems that "enthusiastic consent" or at least SOME form of consent is required.

    29again

    Answer by 29again at 1:09 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • and would rather not but gee, he really is excited That isn't rape even if you would rather not. Unless you definitely say no, in that situation, I do not think you can call it rape. There are many women who would be just as happy of happier to never have to have sex at all. I am not really sure why they get married frankly. In my mother's age, yes. Now, no.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:00 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • I thought there were two conditions for giving consent. One is the ability to say no. I think if you are mentally inable or physically unable (as in passed out or under the influence of a drug you did not onsnt to take) you are unable to give your consent.
    I have a serious problem with the excuse of, "well,I got drunk, so it is not my fault"
    I think a lot of women and a lot of men start drinking in order not to be responsible and that in and of itself is making the choice to be in that situation. I am talking about being in a bar, or on a date or just sitting wih someone getting drunk. If you actually pass out before sex. Then more than likely you did not give consent for sex . But somewhere in the fuzziness you may very well have been very enthusiastic and simply not remember.
    Yell all you want but in the marriage agreement it is implied that sex will be engaged it. Sure there may be the night you have a headac
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:56 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • "I never enthusiastically consent...."Staci
    What you never told/asked your SO and scream DO ME NOW DAMN IT!!!" ??? lol
    But yes OP, I do know what case you are referring to, and its sick and that girls life is forever changed. They showed a pic of her being picked up by 2 guys, one at her feet and the other one is holding her arms. Its like they were gonna "swing" her onto a bed or a couch. They are claiming that pic was set up before hand. IMO, if it was set up, then why is the top half of the pic not showing the men holding her and smiling like a bunch of idiots like most guys would? She looked unconscious, her head was tilted back so her hair was on the floor, she was completely limp. They claimed it was fake, ya right. I hope they get convicted the little assholes.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:46 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Well I can see where that can come into play I had a boyfriend not that I considered him a boyfriend, in high school and the first two times sex happened I specifically said no several times and he just pushed himself on me. I was so scared I didn't say anything to anyone. I wish I had,I tried to break up with him, of course as you can tell he was abusive. After I while I quite fighting him because their was no point, he was going to do it any way. I was so young and stupid and had very little self-esteem. Thanks to my family I was able to get away from that monster. But they never knew the truth about what really went on, I hid it for years because I was ashamed and embarrassed.  So anyway I can easily see how someone who feels pressured into sex would feel raped or is drugged would feel violated.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • I hardly ever enthusiastically consent, either. That's what I mean. I go along with it, which is consent--sometimes grudging consent, sometimes resignation, sometimes the way you might consent to cooking dinner instead of ordering pizza.
    Ballad

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 9:04 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • It does seem reasonable that if the person was not responding back favorably, that would indicate a lack of enthusiastic consent.

    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 7:11 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

  • Ugh, I second that staci.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 6:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2013

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN