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Hi... Iam a 43 single mother of a 19yr old college student. She will turn 20 this summer. I having trouble excepting the fact that shes grown up. I know I call and text too much. She has just informed me that she plans on subleasing an apartment this summer with a friend for summer school. I told her my concerns and she became upset. I concerned about the friend. I dont know what to do! Please help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Mar. 17, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (13)
  • She is an adult. Trust that you did a good job raising her to know right from wrong and accept that she is going to have to make her own way, and by process her own mistakes- as well as learning how to solve those on her own too. If you keep clinging to her she may end up rebelling and that won't look pretty either.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:40 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • There isn't a lot you can do. She'll make mistakes, you did too. Listen to her, but let her make her decisions.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 11:42 AM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • In what way are you concerned?
    She is an adult. Sit down and have a chat. Tell her you do not object to the apartement but that you do have a few concerns and hope that you two together can put your mind at rest.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:02 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Have another baby & that will take your mind off your Daughter. You need to let her live her life & live your own as well. Just be there for her to talk to & guide her as best as you can. You are still young so make the most of your life!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Talk over with her whatever your concerns are and let her know your feelings. Then support her in anyway possible. If the friend is a guy then make sure you have the birth control chat too. GL
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 12:11 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • I also have a 19 yr old who has brought up moving out- mostly because dad keep bringing it up to her...ANYWAY...
    We have just stressed how important it is to have a plan, and to fully trust the person that she is going to share an apt. with. We have told her of some of the things that can happen so she is aware
    Other than that, there really isn't much you can do
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 12:12 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • You just love her. Same as you always did.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:42 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Keep open communication with her more on a adult level and be there for her, and get to know her friend.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:52 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • CM group- moms with adult children. You may find insight and similar stories there.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 3:12 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Thanks to all for the great advice... It was indeed helpful. But its hurtful because when I voiced my concerns she became very upset with me. My concerns are that this friend has been known to do alot of partying and drinking. I know I have to let go but it is really hurting me. I want her to be happy but I want her to surround herself with people who will inspire her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

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