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How to get along with so's child?

I met my Guy's 4yr old son a few months ago. He is an adorable boy, but I cringe at the thought of spending time with him. He is like a tornado, when he visits with his dad, he tears my house apart, is mean and violent toward my kids. He has no sense of boundaries or any type of self control. I have a 4yr old and a 7yr old. They literally stare at him with open mouths. He is that extreme .. I am not sure how to move past this, or how to help, or if it is even my place to help. I really want to like him. What can I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Mar. 17, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • This is one of those things that can be a deal breaker. You might have to risk being offensive, unless you want to live with this until the kid is grown. You just have to be honest and tell him that you can't tolerate this kind of behavior in your home, because you don't tolerate it from your own kids. Explain the rules you expect your children (and other children in your home) to follow, and then make it clear that you expect him to make sure his son follows them or his son won't be welcome iny our home.

    Of course, telling him that his son won't be welcome could lead to the end of the relationship, but truthfully, the behavior of this child (as it stands now) will also likely lead to the end of the relationship. It would be far better to give him the chance to rectify it and know that you ended things because he refused than to get frustrated and end it and then always wonder what might have been.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:09 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Your house, your rules... he either follows them or you ask his father to enforce the rules. If he can't follow the house rules he is not welcome... period. If Dad can't or won't help that should be a HUGE red flag for your future together!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 3:43 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Get your man on board with making his son follow some basic rules. It isn't your place to discipline his child yet, but you also don't have to put up with him tearing up your house or hurting your kids. If that means his dad can't bring him over if he won't make him behave, then consider that this issue may become a big problem in your relationship later on.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:36 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Spanking isn't much of a deterrent anyways.... he needs to act, not threaten. Time outs, sent to a room away from the action, something like that. If he's just threatening the behavior will never stop... he needs to warn once & then act. If her doesn't address it the behavior will not stop... period! The sooner he does this the less he will have to!!! 

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 3:50 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Term of endearment goes here,

    I enjoy spending time with you, and I want to get to know your son better, but there are some basic rules in my house that need to be observed. I understand that he's an active 4 year old, however, the mess that is left from his visits is getting overwhelming. I need your help to enforce Rule 1, Rule 2, and Rule 3 while you are here. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, I just need some peace in my house.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:15 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • First off, your house- your rules. Your SO needs to take control of his child. I would say treat him like you would any other kid that was at your house to play. I'm sure your kids have friends, right? Treat him like you treat your kid's friends. Your SO needs to understand that not punishing bad behavior and working on correcting him is just going to breed a much larger problem later on. At some point the kid is going to be able to choose what parent he wants to live with and if he isn't controlled now he won't be able to be controlled later. I wouldn't stay with a man that allowed his child to act like that.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:25 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Unfortunately, unless you want to be a future stepmother to an out of control child, if your relationship goes that far, you may have to risk being offensive. Find the nicest way you can put it, but just tell your boyfriend that his child doesn't behave in the same way yours do, and give him specific examples. Figure out which house rules are most important to you, and insist that your boyfriend needs to enforce them if he wants to bring his son over. If you let this get out of hand now, it will only be worse later. Trust me on this one.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:09 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • PS, wording may lead you to believe me and So live together. We don't. I meant when he and his dad visit my house.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Does his father discipline him when he is there?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:39 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Great advice, Ballad. How can I bring this up without being offensive?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:40 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

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