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3 Bumps

Custody and vacation dates

According to my custody order, my ex is supposed to have his summer vacation dates to me by March 15. (He gets 2 weeks of his choosing, plus the 2nd week of June, July and August) If they were full weeks, it wouldn't be as big of a problem - but he chooses 2 days here, 3 days there, etc. for a total of 14 days.
I gave him my 2 weeks of vacation (bundled as weeks) several weeks ago. He did not turn his in by the date - nor has he ever any of the last 3 years. Does anyone know if there is an implied "punishment" if the order isn't followed. Obviously contempt is an option, but does he just lose his vacation altogether? What if he comes up the week before spring break and tells me he wants his vacation - it's after the date, can I tell him no? (Because obviously I can't wait until the last minute to make plans)
This is somewhat a vent, but I am looking for suggestions on how to handle this too. Thanks! (We have 3 kids - 15 yo (with autism), 13 yo and 11 yo and then I have 2 more with my husband, they are 4 yo and 2 yo.)

Answer Question

Asked by missanc at 6:10 PM on Mar. 17, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 43 (163,403 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I'm not sure if they would hold him in contempt for this. Usually when it comes to custody and visitation, most contempt is for failing to let the other parent have their visitation or refusing to give the kids back after a visitation, stuff like that.

    I think the best thing you could do right now is talk to a lawyer. Or you could file to have him held in contempt and just see what the judge says. Although, actually, another option could be to file for a modification, asking that specific dates be set in the order so that you don't have to rely on him choosing and informing you of his chosen dates - it would just be set in the order and he can take it or leave it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:18 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • This is a great question for a lawyer. *I* would think that if he does not give you the information by March 15th, like he's supposed to, then by the letter of the custody order, he doesn't get his visitation. Whether that would fly in court, I have no idea.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:41 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • If it is written in a custody order that way. That he has a due date to get it to you. You can probably denie his request.   At least that is how I see it. 

    I would tell him he will get the kids 2 weeks straight. Sense he did not get it to you in time.


    Answer by louise2 at 7:26 PM on Mar. 17, 2013

  • Just try to be patient and work with him. It's hard to plan that far ahead. I wouldn't fight over it.

    Answer by mompam at 7:39 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Plan your own stuff and when he submits his dates if they conflict with things you have scheduled let him know he can't have them for those dates. He missed the cut-off date for picking his dates, so you pick them for him basically.

    I would get a new CO and have set dates for him to have them so you don't have this problem every year.

    Answer by kmath at 9:58 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • I would inform him (in writing) beforehand how difficult it is for you and the children when he does not submit the dates to you as/when required by law; and from this point forward, you will delay putting off making your vacation plans until March 16 -- so thereafter he will have to settle for whatever days you have no plans for. I would also suggest he take the kids atleast ONE WEEK at a time.

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 2:18 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • "It's hard to plan that far ahead."

    All of the summer camps fill up usually before now, especially the special needs ones. My 11 and 13 yo's can obviously stay home by themselves, but my 15 yo isn't to that point - last time we left him home with his sister and brother while we ran to the store, we came home to a broken window - that can't happen! I need to know the dates I have to have covered so I can search out what options are still available.

    Comment by missanc (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Is there anything in your order about this? Our order indicates who gets first choice and when they need to advise the other person, if not, the vacation rights are forfeited. If you have an amicable relationship, can you ask him what his plans are and advise him that you are attempting to make summer camp plans, but it's becoming difficult due to him not advising you of his vacatin plans. If he doesn't respond, then schedule what you need to and when he gives you dates, advise him the children have plans and those dates cannot be accomodated as he did not reply when necessary. I don't think a judge would penalize you should he try to take that issue to court.

    As far as planning ahead, one generally has to for the summer. I know I have to get classes, camps, vacation, etc planned before spring in order to have spots held, make down payments, and schedule vacation time.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 5:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

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