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2 Bumps

This is so gross!

I need help in whether I did the right thing and the right consequence. I have had problems with getting my 14 yo dd to use chap-stick in the winter. Her bottom lip gets this crusty stuff on it and it even peels. I talked to her about it again and asked if she had been using her chap-stick. She claims she has been but I think she is just saying that to pacify me. I saw stuff on the wood foot board and she admitted that she picked stuff off her bottom lip and put it on our foot board of our bed. I think she did it to spite me because I said something about her lip. We made her clean it off the wood and told her that if she wants to do such a think in her home when she gets her own place that's one thing but not to do it in our home and to use a Kleenex. I also told her I don't want her to watch tv in our room. I am not sure for how long? We just got cable installed and have brand new remotes on 3 tv sets. I am just so grossed out wondering what else she has been 'putting around our house' (you know what I mean?). It's like 5 yr old behaviour isn't it? This is coming from a 14 yo! Did we do the right thing or what should we have done? What would you have done?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Mar. 18, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • Start applying it yourself like she IS a 5 year old. Also, regular chapstick might not be enough. Try Carmex, Burts Bees, or even Vaseline.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 9:34 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • 14 year old acting like this. Most girls that age are into keeping them selves looking good. They do not want chaped lips.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:40 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Let her pick out the chapstick she likes, remind her to put it on daily, and try not to pick at her for what she does.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:57 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • I try to be careful not to let the interactions around areas of conflict get to a negative place where the child FEELS like "retaliating." Payback or "spite" reflects a dynamic.

    If I noticed what you describe & found out what it was, I'd address what was problematic to me (I don't want you to leave peeled crusty skin lying around; please do this instead.)

    If it seemed that the conflict was developing in a destructive way, with a clear struggle between us & negative feelings on her part (to the point that I thought that specific behavior OR her resistance to using lip balm expressed frustration or resentment), I would acknowledge that to myself & take responsibility by attending to my communications with her. I might also address it directly, telling her that I notice that maybe things haven't been as good as I intended, that I'm concerned about her lip situation but want to support her toward positive change, not hassle her.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:47 AM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • I have nothing to say about her putting the peeled off skin around the house - that is just gross and childish. But the chapped lips themselves - I got a bad sunburn when I was about 17, and since then, my lips chap if I don't have lip balm on - even just 5 minutes of no balm leaves my lips horribly chapped. I cannot use any old chapstick, it'll look like I'm using nothing at all. The one I currently use is Burt's Bees Ultra Conditioning. But ones that say ultra hydrating, ultra conditioning, replenishing, nourishing, anything like that work wonders for me. And a medicated kind can also help to initially get it under control. Try finding her some different balms, ones that are nourishing or replenishing or something like that and see if those help. I would also be very careful about the ways you draw attention to her lips. It can be very embarrassing and uncomfortable to have such chapped lips and having it pointed out...bad.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:26 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • You need nipplicious. Trumps all those other chapsticks.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:21 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Honestly, once I helped my teenager find a chapstick that worked for her, I'd let her be responsible for her own lips. Stop nagging her about them, stop even mentioning them. When she decides crusty, dry lips are uncomfortable enough, or unsightly enough, she'll do something about them. Till then, let the natural consequences of her failure to use chapstick speak for themselves; you don't have to say a word.

    As to leving peeled skin around the house, yes, that's gross. I would say that since she did that, she doesn't get to be unsupervised in your room, where she left the skin, for a few days or a week, whatever you think is long enough. Again, natural consequences. Don't go on and on about it, let the actions and their results speak for themselves.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • Let her pick out something she likes instead.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

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