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2 Bumps

How common is this in women? Do you think of these things? Would you do them? adult content

I recentely told my husband that he has yet to know the 'real' me. I have held back for 3 years because he is very conservative. I have wanted to completely go out of the norm in our sex life. He does not give me much attention. He never wants to have sex with me and when he does he will say things like, "Im too tired to get on top of you" which is a huge mood killer. You shouldnt have to beg your husband to have sex with you. But he does work a LOT of hours. I began to get sexually frustrated. Ive always been a kinky kind of girl. With past relationships i was always into different things but that stopped when i met my husband because he was not like that. Well i decided that it was either i give in to the overwhelming temptations to cheat on him, or i do the right thing by trying to talk to him again. So i did exactly that. I told my husband the things i had done in the past and the different things i want to do in our marriage. Here are a few things and the reason i am posting this is im startin to get a lil nervous that maybe im crazy for wantin to do these things or maybe if i did these things it would effect my marriage. Our marriage is so pure right now.. he has never cheated on me, watched porn, looked at magazines of women to make me insecure he is very faithful and committed to me.... but this is what i want...

I want us to really change things up. I want to go to strip clubs with him. I want him to look at other women so that it will get his blood goin to where he will want me. I want to go to a hotel room and have sex with him next to another couple having sex. NO touching anyone other than our spouse, but having sex next to one another. I want to drive somewhere and have sex in our truck. I want to do it all! I love my kids so much but life has really just gotten boring between him and I as far as our relationship together because its the same thing every single day. Work, take care of the kiddos and no sex life or relationship between us. I want to do all kinds of stuff while we are still young and can do it! I dont want to feel like i have wasted my life not being who i want to be because my husband doesnt want me like i want him. I need a change and this is it. But i am terrified that the thought is more exciting then the actual action of doing it. Im afraid i may get jealous of my husband looking at another women. I have had two children so my skin is not the best looking and im afraid that he will compare me and he will be gettin off to someone else other than me. But thats kind of the point of it all too... lol! Im confused as to why i have these fantasies and why i want to pursue them so badly lol

Anyone understand?? Advice?? Do i just need counseling?? lol!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Mar. 18, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • You're totally normal.
    Go slow.... Like have sex in the truck first before you get a hotel room with another couple. Let him dip a toe into the water to see where his limits are.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:50 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • I don't really have a desire to have a super kinky sex life, if that's what your asking. Not saying I don't ever want to "spice it up" but no desires for strip clubs or anything. Then again, my husband is ALWAYS ready, I'm the tired one.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 11:51 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • This is a GREAT question for PGA!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:52 PM on Mar. 18, 2013

  • There's absolutely nothing wrong with a sense of adventure. I tend to be the tired one as well, but I've enjoyed a few spicy bits here and there. If you pitch it to your husband all at once, it might be overwhelming for him. Start small; maybe get a sitter and go for a drive, find a secluded spot, and take it from there. Or try a hot video or some massage oils, something you can do without a great deal of planning or expense. He might really take to it. Just remember, go slow, because you can always do more later, but you can't take it back if you push too far and he gets scared off.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:19 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • i totally get the driving somewhere and having sex in the car...thats what we did before we got married haha. the other stuff is so...impersonal.

    have you tried asking him if he has any sexual fantasies or if theres something he thinks is super hot? maybe theres something he's into but he's too embarrassed to say something?
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 12:22 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • Counseling and after you havebeen in a while see if you can get him tocome to counseling with you.
    There was something eriously wrng that you di not feel that you could share these things with your husband.
    Not my ggig. I know my husband sees other women as women. He would have to be blind not to. But I do not want him noticing them enough to the point that he is fantasizing about them and not me. If I want something different I would initiate it and talk with my hubby about how I feel.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:27 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • Thanks for all your comments ladies, this is so helpful! I have asked him several times what his fantasy is and when i finally got something out of him he told me he wanted to have sex in his truck lol! So i was like, YES we can do that! That is fun! lol But i totally agree that we should start slow! for sure! I just got him comfortable with me using toys and my next thing is porn. Im excited to get him excited for that cuz he always said that he doesnt like watching it..but i think i can change his mind lol I think he was afraid to like it cuz it would be considered wrong cuz we are married...but its not wrong if i say its ok :-)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • Dardenella- do you think these fantasies of mine are because i need counseling? Im not being rude, i really am curious about your opinion on this
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:31 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • The counseling is needed because the two of you are not communicating. He should have known the real you before you were married and if he didn't that's a HUGE red flag.

    And be warned: Much of your list might wind up being a turnoff to him rather than a turn-on, if he's as conservative as you say. I know mine would laugh in your face at those suggestions!

    If he wants to do it in the truck, take that as your adventure. But definitely some couples counseling to get on the same page and be completely YOU from here on out.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:56 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • Thank you so much for your comment. I completely agree. However, when i mentioned these things, he said he was for it. Of course he could just be saying this to please me... BUT... the different things that i have done so far, he has really liked! How i know, is cuz he asks me to do them! I just know that i have to be patient and to things slow and steady...for my sake too cuz this is kinda new to me too! I have never been married and had sex around any other person before! So I want to be sure we are completely 100% all in before it happens! I appreciate your advice! I will take it into consideration about the counseling for sure!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:49 AM on Mar. 19, 2013

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