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Why does she feel its all her money?

Yes it was owed to her (CS) but now that the kids need her most she's pocketing the money.
Anything she spent on her kids was needed to be spent anyway, but now they are adults and have cars & jobs but not making too much bc they still living with her. Her 2 grown kids need their vehicles repaired and she won't help. The kids are tired of asking their dad bc they see their had has a family and has helped them out in the past so my sd tells us I don't understand mom anymore ever since she met this new guy she gotten so strict all she talks about is learning responsibility but all I could tell her that money (CS) was for me and my brother and now I need you to help me. She said if she was to help her the sd will have to pay every penny.
All I could say was I'm sorry I wish we had the money to help with no charge bc you are doing and trying hard to do good in life.

Venting....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Mar. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Did you go without growing up? Did you eat every day? Have clothes? A roof over your head?
    Did she go without to give you what you required?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:08 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • I am confused. These kids are adults yet their mom is still getting CS? If they are adults they need to repair their own damn car and support themselves.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • 1.) If she had been given that money when it was owed to her previously she wouldn't have needed to use all her own to pay fo her kids. So yes the back child support is her money now.
    2) The kids are GROWN. They need to learn to budge and manage their own money wisely.
    3) If he was such a great dad why didn't he take care of his kids when they were younger lke he should have? Whether or not he has a family with you makes no difference. It didn't then and it shouldn't now
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • The custodial parent usually spends far more than the non-custodial parent when supporting their shared children. And if they are adults, they SHOULD have some responsibility in taking care of their things. Even vehicles. What kind of 'adult' are they? Are they out of high school? Is their father still paying child support? Why is it assumed that the mother just pocketed the money and hasn't spent it on them?


    You know what I think?  I think it's easy to assume how things are without knowing all of the details.  

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:19 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • I am guessing someone made good on back child support after you were grown up? I say that if the mother wants to help you then she should, but I assume that feeding, clothing, and providing a roof made her not be able to save very much for her older years, and she doesn't have as much time to make up the savings as you all have. I would have a very polite conversation about needing help in getting my car fixed, but other than that she was the one who paid up front for the both of you, and she should be paid back, how much money are we talking? Big difference between $10,000 and $100,000.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 3:19 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • That money was to help with f food, a roof and clothes. CS doesn't usually stretch that far.  CS is between your parents, you shouldn't even be involved in the conversation and shame on any parent who brought it up to you.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 3:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • I admit Mom sounds a bit selfish here, but here's what you need to understand: As a mother who is owed about $25K in child support, I often put my needs on the back burner to make sure the money I do have goes to making sure my kids have what they need. I wear jeans that are older than my oldest kid so I can buy him the new jeans he needs every 3 months when he outgrows them. I will skip meals if it becomes necessary to make sure my kids eat. I'll let my own illness go to buy the antibiotic they need if insurance won't cover it. So, yes, when they're adults, if their sperm donor finally gets off his ass and starts paying, I just might keep some of that money to replace the money I've spent over the years. Just because the money needs to be spent anyway doesn't mean it's all my responsibility. He helped create their lives, he needs to help support them. Period.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:25 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • This is confusing so I will see if I am getting this.
    Mom has raised her children and dad was behind n child support so she had to make up thedifference in what was needed to raise the kids, probablly doing with less.
    The kids are all grown but they still live with her and probablly are not paying rent or any other bills including food. She is still supportig her adult chldren.
    They don't make too much because they live with her? What on earth does that mean? She somehow causes them not to work? to manage their money better? What?

    Her costs would have been a lot lower if she had not had you children to support, so you can not say she would have been paying it anyway. Basically she paid the difference in child support herself and that money is due to her not to you

    Shame on you for being so ungrateful. Leave her house and find out how hard it really is and then go back and thank your mother over and over.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:39 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • They are all family, they should all help each other.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:42 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

  • Because it is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Mar. 19, 2013

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