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In Your Opinion: What age to have "the talk"?

My daughter will be 8 this Oct. And as she gets older I know the day gets closer that she's not my little baby anymore and is growing into a young pre-teen. I do not want to leave it to the schools or worse to experimentation for her to learn about feminine matters and puberty. I have and always will be open with my daughter about age appropriate content. But at what age do you personally feel this topic is appropriate?

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SalemWitchChild

Asked by SalemWitchChild at 11:51 AM on Feb. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 23 (15,594 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • My son just turned 8 and I was thinking about this the other day!

    I think I am going to wait a little longer, because he doesn't seem the least bit interested or curious! Sooooo to answer your question-I think anywhere between 8-10 would be a good time. JMO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • IMO it is something that should be talked about from the very beginning, no secrets or silly words or excuses for things, even if they don't understand what you are talking about it will be familiar to them when they do start to understand. That is how I plan on doing it with my daughter (she is only 9mo)

    But since you have not done that, I would start talking now, according to how mature you think she is and what she can handle. Start with a talk about how she is getting close to the age where this (her period) may happen, and you want her to be prepared and not scared when it happens and you want her to come to you. And don't just do it once...it should be a continuing education type of thing, divulging more information when you think she is ready for it. Only you know your daughter and know what she will understand.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:59 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Personally I always thought it should always be sooner rather than later. I got my first taste of reproduction information in 2nd grade (I was around 7). I was rather horrified that milk came from breasts and babies came out from where I peed. I distinctly remember there being uncomfortable silences when I asked about feminine commercials! I think talking about it now (and frankly much sooner as-a-matter-of-fact like a little info at time) is far better. 10 and older is too late.
    amileegirl

    Answer by amileegirl at 12:04 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I don't think you should ever have "the talk" it should be a conversation. Ongoing, honest and open from a very young age. If this isn't the case in your family yet she is definitly old enough that it's time... I won't tell you what I was doing by 8... My mother believed that if you had "the talk" that children will think sex is fun and go do it... So she didn't really ever do it. I found out by myself at the neighbors house...

    Talk to your kids openly and honestly from young on... Start NOW!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • In my opinion, there is not just one "The Talk". There should be many talks tailored to your child's age. At this age, I think that some of the same issues need to be rediscussed (stranger safety, private areas, healthy eating and excercise habits) and new issues should be brought up (handling unwanted or inappropriate touching or play from boys at school, reinforcing the idea that she can and should talk to you about questions or issues about her body or just the human body in general, how her body might change in the next 2-3 years, and personal care and hygiene for a pre-teen). I think that discussing sex should come a little later, because at this point, you should instill in her that NO ONE is to see or touch her private areas in any way unless there is a medically good reason, that person is a doctor, and you are there with her. Talking about menstruation at this point might be okay, esp. if you started yours early.
    laadeedah

    Answer by laadeedah at 1:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • i don't have THE TALK with my kids, i answer questions as they come up. all four of my kids (10 - 4) have seen my tampons, and know what they are for (age and gender appropriate), they know what sex is and how babies are made (execpt the four year old), cause i explained things like pregnancy with each new addition to the family. my girls sometimes shower with me cause its faster than seperate showers, and have asked questions about pubic hair, and breasts, and they know they will get them eventually. same with my boys and my husband.
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 2:19 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Yep, this is not a "talk", this is an 18 year (or more) discussion.
    At least one girl her age at school has her period.
    By the start of school in the fall, at least one will have noticeable breasts.
    The older girls at school will be discussing things they've seen or heard on TV, the movies, or from older kids. How much of what she overhears will be true? How much will be nervous speculation?
    Get a copy of "The Care and Keeping of You". It's a great starting place for girls this age. It talks about all the changes that will be happening in her body but doesn't go into sex. Get those communication floodgates open by talking to her about what will be happening to her in the coming years. Answer all questions honestly. The more honest you are now, the more she will trust you in 6 years.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:20 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • THE BEST WAY FOR ME & THE WAY THAT I WOULD RECOMMEND IT TO YOU "AS A PARENT" WOULD BE JUST TO BUILD UP TO THE DISCUSSION YOU WILL HAVE WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT "THE TALK" start early with just "small talk" so that they feel comfortable about talking about their own bodies at a early age. Keep it clean simple. As your child gets older then your talks will get more mature. You will learn ways to make this "important topic" more comfortable for you as well. It sure will beat the "eye rolls" when they are older & your trying to tell them not to do this or that!

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 4:50 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  •  Mind you, this was in the 'dark ages'  aka my youth, but the schools started sex ed in the 4thgrade.  My Mom had the talk with me around 10 and ordered a free kit from Kotex with the basic needs to start.  Since we have seen young girls pregnant at 10 and 11 you can't start too early. It scares the beegeebees out of me hearing about bored kids grouping together for sex..the more the higher your rating.  So set you baby on the right track and don't leave it to the kids at her school.  As old fashioned as it sounds if you can teach her that sex and making love is for marriage and is a great present to give her spousegreat for you!  Its not something being taught and bored kids will experiment with any and everything if you don't fill them in and remember to ask the right questions when you see signs of her becomeing a woman in a child's body.
    prissmom

    Answer by prissmom at 4:57 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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