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2 Bumps

What would you do ? adult content

I'm ashamed to even put this up here,but i need to get advice. I am 19 and currently pregnant. I was in college out of state, but before i left i was in a serious relationship for a year, we both was going off to college in two different states, we decided to stay together through this transformation. Hes an awesome loving man, he showed me what true love was, i couldn't ever imagine being with anyone else. but being away from him for awhile started to get to the both of us. me living on campus i met friends and i started to go to party's and ended up getting too close to this particular person, i ended up sleeping with this person, and now im pregnant. in my relationship my boyfriend was always so honest no matter what, so i had to come clean, he cried and yelled, he truly was hurt, so was i. i didn't mean to be so selfish, and to hurt him so bad it messed me up. he wanted the abortion but i decided to keep it...he ended the relationship but he decided to keep holding on to me, he said he loved me too much to let go, so he didn't, we decided to be friends, he accepted me keeping the baby. but now we are just friends and i know we truly was meant to be together, and im hurting every time we speak, because it doesn't feel the same, i just wanna scream i love you to him, but i dont wanna confuse him....what do i do? i don't want any other man but him.. Hes a very very good gentle smart intelligent loving kind man.

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Newmom1993

Asked by Newmom1993 at 3:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Level 4 (36 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I'm guessing he is your 1st true love & those always have a special place in our hearts. A lot of us have lost our 1st loves & over time, you do get over it. Yes it hurts, but it will get better. You are better off cutting off all communications with him since it's just painful for you & the stress isn't good for the baby. Before you know it, between your studies & the baby, you will be too busy to think about him. GL

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:55 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • You made a mistake; it happens. It was a big one, sure, but not the end of the world. You don't want an abortion, and that is your choice to make. He doesn't get to decide that for you. The choice before him now is to decide if he can or wants to forgive you for this and accept your child or not. If he chooses not, you can't force him to be with you. You have to accept that you made a mistake and your actions led to this. At the same time, however, he has to realize he can't play games with you, breaking up with you and then clinging to you with "oh, I can't let you go." Either he's in or he's out, he either forgives you and tries to move forward with the relationship or he feels what you did is unforgivable and he moves on. I won't say it's simple or easy, but it's a decision that needs to be made.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:56 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • Put your focus into your education and your child. If things were meant to be, they are meant to be. All you can do now is what is necessary to take care of you and your child. What happened to the baby's father and is he wanting to play a role in the child's life?
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:09 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • I understand him being hurt over your infidelity, but he has to decide if he wants to continue this relationship or not. "Being friends" is just a lame way of stringing you along, in my opinion. He "loves you too much to let go", but obviously not enough to try to make it work. Save yourself some heartache and do what he seems incapable of - move on.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 5:04 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • YOU all was right.....i asked him why are we still talking ? because he told me he dosen't love me the same....he said he found another..i couldn't help but cry in the bathroom..but i accepted it and ended it....how do i get through a heartache without harming my baby?
    Newmom1993

    Comment by Newmom1993 (original poster) at 5:17 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • Maybe you didn't make a mistake. Maybe you just took the path you were supposed to take. People are with us for a reason and a season. He was there to teach you what first love is. It's time to consider that you will find a stronger love ahead, one where you won't feel compelled to see what else is out there. Maybe time apart will help him decide if it's really true love or friendship. I personally wouldn't have the friendship door open if it's going to rip my heart out every time I see him and drown in guilt.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:29 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • btw, there is no shame in being 19 and seeing other guys. Reality is that not many people meet their true love as a teen and stay with him forever. It cheats you out of meeting and dating other wonderful men then deciding if he is really the right guy for you. However, I'd work on the birth control thing a bit harder in the future. Not bashing, just sayin'
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:31 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • Thank you, i needed to hear that, your so right its shocking! it wont take the heartache away but i guess i have something to look forward to in the future..
    Newmom1993

    Comment by Newmom1993 (original poster) at 5:35 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • hugs.. life is always hard and you get many paths to choose. im happy to read you said something to the guy and happy he told you the truth. now its time to like was said schooling and your baby. it will be hard but trust me can be done ( i was also 19 when i had my dd ) it took time i did school and took care of her. when dd was 6 i met my now husband. he is wonderful and treats my dd as his own ( her bio dad is involved ) but my story just shows you can move on.. get a future and find a soulmate. best of luck to you :)
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:23 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

  • Girl...you focus now on loving that baby. Get your living situation in order, get a room set up, start buying your goodies, reading the books, etc. You are young and pretty. You will find someone eventually who wants to settle down and have a family with you. For now, don't rush it. If you have schooling to finish, get enrolled.

    One final piece of advice I tell my single girlfriends...when you do start dating, NEVER feel bad about requiring a man to have accomplished at least as much as you have. If you're working, and you've got your education, and you're handling your own car and rent payments...any man you date should be, too. Your life will be more challenging as a single mom. You definitely don't need to add a deadbeat to the mix out of loneliness.

    Be strong, mama.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:54 PM on Mar. 20, 2013

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