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What do you do in a relationship when you are going through a tough time?

Romance? Alone time? Date night? Need some ideas. Having a tough time in our relationship lately. Feeling distant from one another. A lot of fueding. :(

 
Ambie0526

Asked by Ambie0526 at 8:34 AM on Mar. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My "going through a tough time" in the relationship has meant going through periods when things were hard, definitely a strain, but it wasn't about feuding or spats. Just LOW. The "relationship" & communication was good/healthy, but not at a high point in terms of how we felt IN it, and there were stressors--challenging circumstances, health issues, financial strain, distance/preoccupation, emotional stuff/individual personal challenges (grief), etc. Our low times haven't been about experiencing frustration with the relationship, or identifying the lows as being about the relationship itself.

    But my response to "What do you do?" probably would apply to experiences of interpersonal conflict, too.

    Open, vulnerable, personal communication. Sharing your own feelings about the situation (that it's a bummer or sad for you to feel disconnected, or low.) Share what you want (I really want to be close, not distant.) Focus on values.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:22 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • Look at Dr. Laura Berman's website and/or take out some of her books from the library. She is practical and down to earth. You also might want to get Phil McGraw's book Relationship Rescue at the library. It is something a couple reads together and contains practical advice. GL
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:52 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:56 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • Nurture your relationship as if it's one of your children. It's easy to put the needs of another adult on the back burner and put the kids first, but it ends up making us feel empty and alone.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:11 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • First thing I will say. Is talk to each other. Honestly. Get your feelings out their.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:35 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • Not communication focused on "diagnosing" the problem or identifying where things are going wrong (and if this just stopped happening, things would be better.) But personal communication about your personal experience of things as they are. Acknowledging that you are feeling whatever (remote/distanced, angry, withdrawn, alienated, uninvested, or maybe hurt, disappointed) in the relationship, and also openly sharing HOW you feel about that reality (you feel unhappy, sad about it, really low.)

    I don't feel close to you, and that hurts. I feel so sad about it, because I want *this* for us.

    Starting with honesty (about how you actually feel, and about how it feels to feel that way!, and about what you actually wish for) is connecting even in times of disconnect.
    Focusing on "we need to talk, you keep doing X" is not the same thing as personal communication (about yourself.)
    I try to rely on personal communication. It sure helps.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:30 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • Do some thing new. Some thing both of you have wanted to do for a while.
    singlemom416

    Answer by singlemom416 at 8:47 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • It depends on what the relationship is. Not all relationships are equal and cannot therefore be treated the same. And what will be helpful in one relationship might be the killer in another. The dynamics in every relationship are different, and there is no one fix-all.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:28 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • Date nights might put some of the fun back in your relationship while you try to figure out the hard parts, but till you get at the source of the distance and the fighting, bring it out in the open, it will still be underlying everything.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • WHY?
    Cheating?
    Money?
    Sex?
    Work?
    Kids?
    Before you can fix something you need to identify what it is that is triggering the problems.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

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