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Relationship

My bf is awesome.... He is my support system for everything I want to do in life. I have three children and none in which are his.... They are from a previous marriage. . Now my bf tends to and treats my kids like they are his. Which to me is amazing. However my aunt feels differently about it. My bf is in the course of looking for a job but he works here n there w his stepfather moving furniture for the elderly. Right now I am a sub tenant n my cousin was receiving payments from me n she wasn't paying her landlord. So now I have to move. My aunt says I shouldn't be with my boyfriend because on the money aspect of things he cannot help me 2000 percent... He lives w his mom n stays w me sometimes but he pays all my utilities and buys food.... My question is do you feel like he needs to do more? I feel like he does way more then he needs to do for me...my aunt is saying he should provide a place for me to stay but that's my job..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Mar. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • He's just your boyfriend, why does she think it's his job to provide for you? She needs to butt out of your relationship. Trust your instincts and find your own place. If your relationship strengthens, then think about having him live with you and help with living costs. She needs to mind her own business. It's understandable for family to show concern, but at some point they need to step back and allow you to make your own decisions.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:40 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • She is worried about you, which is fine. I agree with QuinnMae that a boyfriend has no obligation to provide for you. Your aunt sees that he lives with his dad, that he doesn't have a regular job, and of course she is worried that you'll regret later taking up with a guy who can't support you and your family.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:15 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • He's just a bf, but I would hold off on moving the relationship any further until he has steady employment. How old is he? How long has he been unemployed/underemployed? Is he actively searching for work? (As in sending out 10 plus resumes a day or visiting 10 or more businesses/day). If him working for his stepfather here and there is okay with him, I would be wary of continuing this relationship.
    I definitely would not let him move in with me until he could pay his share of expenses nor would I pay for anything for him (you have enough people looking to you for their needs)
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:23 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • The best thing for the both of you to do is learn to stand on your own feet, and then take the relationship further. It seems to me you wouldn't be questioning what your Aunt thinks if you were 100% confident in what you have right now... GL, hope it all works out.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • It is not your boyfriend's responsibility to provide for you and your children, you're right. But I can see what your aunt is looking at: it's not up to you to provide for him either. And what she sees is a grown man, with no job, living with his father, not supporting himself. So she's worried you might end up supporting him. Legit concern.

    But it's your life. You have to live the way you feel is best for you and your children. Tell her you appreciate her advice, but you have to do what you think is best.

    Don't completely discount what she says, though.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:22 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • The thing about advice is, you can take what sounds reasonable to you and leave the rest. Listen to what your aunt says, think it over, come to a decision, and then don't worry any further about it. If some of what she says makes sense, go with that. But I'll tell you this--if I had listened to the advice of my family members on who I should or shouldn't take up with, it would have ruined my life. So ultimately, you have to do things your way.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • If he is paying anything and not living there he is doing more than expected.

    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:28 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • If your guys were living together, official.  I would say your  aunt was right.   But it sounds like you are not, so.  I think he is doing a lot for you already.   If you are happy with what he is doing for you. That is all that matters.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:29 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

  • If you are happy with the arrangement then keep it up
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:19 PM on Mar. 21, 2013

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