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Hi, i have a beautiful baby boy whose 4.3 now.....he's full of energy and is one naughty kid!! i have started to feel that i have been too busy keeping him "in line" for everything making his routine perfect but i feel he's not attached with me,he shows that he loves me and i do that too but something inside is broken,because the other night when he got scared and i was with him he wanted to call his grand father and i realized that he was looking at me for comfort

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Asked by Raifi at 8:00 PM on Mar. 23, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Pick your battles. If what he is doing isn't really that bad, then ignore it. Example: He didn't pick up his toys like he was told. So what. Make a game of picking them up and he will join in. He bolted from the front door right out into the street. This is something that definitely needs to be addressed. The key to bonding is play and exploration. He makes a mess, so what, clean it up.

    I taught my child with rules and books, he only gave me dirty looks. I took away his favorite things, he accused me of being mean. Oh what can I do to teach this child, so he doesn't become unruly and wild? Into my hand he put the key. "Come." he said, and "Play with me."

    Answer by Sierrarose99 at 12:57 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • Welcome to cafemom

    Were you perfect when you were 4?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:21 AM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • Did you finally realize that 4 year olds are not and can not be perfect and that the thing broken inside is YOU!!!! Maybe your son wants grandpa because grandpa has a realistic sense of parenting that allows your son to be a KID and not a mini adult that has to "be in line". You forced your child to get comfort and love from grandpa because of your unrealistic parenting. Your son won't learn how to act if you don't let him be a kid and make mistakes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • Are you saying you realized he wasn't looking to you for comfort (he wanted to call his grandfather when he was scared, even though his mom was with him)?

    I do think if you are too focused on correction, you can lose connection. But you can address what you are seeing & feeling. All is not lost!!

    I do think it's important to parent in ways that preserve & support the attachment relationship, which reinforces the child's orientation toward you. This also makes parenting easier (of course, it still is a tremendous commitment of emotional energy!) because it tends to engage a child's natural cooperation more than an adversarial dynamic does. The real "power of parenting" lies in the strength of your relationship, and children (and all human beings) are most responsive to those with whom they share a strong attachment & positive relationship.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:59 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • I'm not sure what you're trying to ask. Stop attempting to be perfect; just be his mom and love him unconditionally.

    Answer by Ballad at 8:50 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • Find things he likes, and connect with him over that.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:43 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • How is he naughty? Do you not comfort your child when he is scared? I don't understand what your question is.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:26 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • OMG!
    I think I finally got it. You dont think there is something broken in the kid, but in you?
    He looked to you for comfort and you didnt give him what he needed so he wanted his grandfather?

    Respond soon or else you are gonna get tore up.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:25 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • you dont really make sense

    Answer by chrstny88 at 8:20 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

  • he shows that he loves me
    he was looking at me for comfort

    what else do you want from the kid? he's 4.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:17 PM on Mar. 23, 2013

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