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DH and I are considering adoption.

But we feel we are not ready yet. I am not sure what that means though. I mean I really want to but there is something nagging that it's not time. ...

We have set a 5 year goal. Our son will be 13 and out daughter 10. We wish to adopt a 3-7 year old special needs child- specifically Autism- since out son has Asperger's and we have a lot of support in that regard already.

How do you really know you are ready to move forward with the idea of adoption? When do you go beyond talking about it and start taking action. As much as I want to do it. It scares me a bit to. This is a HUGE decision and a VERY big step in our lives...whichis part of the reason I am anon.  This is extremely personal for us and I am a regular here.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Mar. 24, 2013 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • Start with an attorney

    Answer by escuchar at 12:49 PM on Apr. 14, 2014

  • Something else that I'd suggest is going through the training so that you can do some respite care even if you choose not to foster but to straight adopt. Doing respite gets you familiar with the system and how it works. It will also give other foster parents a much needed break. :)

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:53 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • You could start doing things that you will have to do anyway before you start. Get a list from your CPS dept in your state as well as the fire and health department for the checklist you will have to complete. Two fire extinguishers, smoke alarms in every bedroom, front and back door, hallways by bedrooms. Child-proof locks, cabinet locks, lock boxes for medicines (we have to have 3 (oral, external, and refrigerated), any psychotropic meds would require 2 more).

    I admire you for wanting to foster/adopt a special needs or autistic child ages 3-7. Keep in mind, as with other children you may have raised from birth, that a 3 y/o or 5 y/o or 7 y/o foster child cannot be compared to your child at those ages. You STILL have to take into account any other neglect and/or abuse that THIS child may have suffered in addition to his/her autism. Does that make sense? They likely have not had the support that your child has had.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:50 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I understand completely! I am in the same boat right now. I have one child, he is in kindergarten... I am seriously considering adopting a little girl around 2-6 yrs. old... But I am just not at the point right now that I totally want to go through with it... I do know when the timing is right, it will all work out.

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 6:30 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • I'd go ahead and start the process because not only are there homestudy's, background checks, etc but usually 40 hours of classes you have to take as well. If during any of the process you feel that adoption is not for you then you can back out and thanks but it's not for me. If you complete the classes it will give you a clearer picture of the child you are looking for and the right child will come for you. Do NOT take in just any child because you feel sorry for them, the agency is pushing to put this child with you, etc. Only you know if a child will truely be able to become a member of your home. If you have doubts then the child will sense it and know they're not wanted.

    Answer by baconbits at 11:52 AM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • Thumbs up to you for wanting to adopt an older special needs child, since he or she would have a hard time finding a forever family. Since it may take time for a child of the right age with the right needs to come up, you might consider getting the home study done and then lettng the universe take over.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:53 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • What lead us to knowing it was time to move forward with adoption would not be what would lead you to knowing it is the right time since we did infant adoption through an agency and you will more likely do adoption through foster care. I would say to start slowly. First you have to get through the homestudy and that can take anywhere from a month to several months if you drag it out some. And then even after your homestudy is approved, you don't have to immediately adopt. In Ohio, the homestudy is good for two years from the date of approval, so you would still have some time to feel fully comfortable.

    Good luck!

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • There's no way to ever be completely sure. Sometimes you just have to jump in the deep end. I love the idea. Maybe you could connect with other parents who have already adopted children in that age range and find out what their experiences have been. Maybe an adoption agency or foster care division can help you find ways to connect.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:54 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • Adoption in Fla you need to be determined this is what you want to do then go through the process, if you have doubts, don't do it.....

    Answer by older at 5:46 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • I think you can start the process, slowly, to get your feet wet and feel it out a little.
    Background checks, interviews, homestudy, etc takes time. LOTS of time.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:19 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

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