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Spitting Bullets

That teen of mine- ugh.
She stayed the night at a GF's house last night. She asked if she could stay again tonight, No.
Finally got her on the line and agreed she needed to be home between 1 & 2. 3 o'clock rolls around and she comes strolling in...

This is the same family from Halloween who screwed up my plans because they have ZERO sense of time. I thought if I had put her in charge of it, "My mom said I need to be home between this time and this time", it would be ok.

NOPE. Guess the GF and DD are only going to be able to do things here :(

 
feralxat

Asked by feralxat at 5:55 PM on Mar. 24, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 45 (195,091 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Wow, I'm impressed with your daughter. It would have been easy for her to lay the whole thing off on her friend, and there would have been no way for you to know. Yet she admitted that her lateness was at least partially your fault. I would have been frustrated, too, but taking the long view, you're raising her right.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 8:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • Next time tell her you want her home 3 hours before you actually want her home ;)

    *that sucks- I hate people who have no consideration for others or time
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 5:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • Another thing you can do is speak with the parents directly, rather than go thru your child. Just say something like "I need ___ home between 1-2pm no later. Will this conflict with your plans for today or not? Either that or just resolve to pick your dd up at her gf's house yourself so she's home when you want her.
    My ds has a friend like that, his father never picks him up on time. Except when I speak with him. I say something like "__, I need you to pick up ___ by ___pm. Will that fit into your schedule? If not then ___can come over another day."
    The above is only a problem when I'm working because dh goes to be early as he gets up for work at 4am.
    143myboys9496

    Answer by 143myboys9496 at 7:41 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • Tell her she is grounded 1 day for every 15 minutes she is late. (ex: 1/2 hour late =2days grounded) Bet she'll push the ride or ask you to come & get her. Or you could go to plan B & just have the sleepovers at your house. I like charlots idea too. That's what we do when we are dealing w/ people habitually late, tell them an earlier time.

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:55 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • finding that balance of friend and parent is a big ol' pain in the ass.

    Friends can still let each other know when something isn't working for them, and can share why. Parents have more power than friends do, but if a friendship is healthy it includes boundaries & limits that are good for both, honest communication of personal reactions (such as how your friend's behavior impacts you) without relying on force/control, respect, love....

    I'm never sure why "being their friend" gets such a bad rap....as if we think friendship is about "letting" someone do "whatever" even if it's harmful or problematic, never representing ourselves or our reactions honestly, and prioritizing never upsetting any friend (to the point that they walk over us because we are so inauthentic)! I think healthy friendship is pretty similar to parenting.


    I think I would be frustrated in that situation, too. Particularly after the phone contact.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • I do a lot of talking directly to parents, it still only works some of the time. lol. I tend to pick her up myself if I need her home. It just saves hassle. I hate it when I can't reach her on her cell. I have to have her do a volume check before she gets dropped off and I made her give my number a really LOUD straight forward ring.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 8:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • feralxat, one of the many perils of having a teen, you handled it well.......
    older

    Answer by older at 7:01 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • LOL!
    Maybe...finding that balance of friend and parent is a big ol' pain in the ass.
    i am beginning to understand why the people who raised me were such dictators :(

    if your kid never leaves the house, you never have to wonder where they are, haha
    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 6:00 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • well, i was finally calm enough to talk to her.
    she admitted that it was partially her fault and the other families.

    i was really happy she was honest with me and didnt try to put it ALL off on someone else.
    i did say that because this sort of thing happened with this friend twice, that they would have to hang out here and she was understanding.

    lol, sometimes i wish she would argue a bit more- not really.
    she is very accepting of my reactions to her behavior.
    i am so blessed that she isnt one of those, 'that's not fair i hate you" teens
    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 7:18 PM on Mar. 24, 2013

  • yeah 143myboys9496, sounds reasonable. if not for the Halloween debacle
    feralxat

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 7:45 PM on Mar. 24, 2013