My DD has had at least 5 serious relationships since freshman year in high school. As good parents do, we stayed involved and had age appropriate limits. Had the bfs over for dinner, drove them to the mall, movies, dropped off, picked up, invited them to bbqs and swimming, etc. We didn't love them all, but accepted that this was the way it is. Each breakup was stressful and involved mourning and some self loathing on her part. She went to counseling for a while...but has said it really didn't help. Her last bf was the most serious, and they slept together. We liked him very much and were sad when they broke up 2 wks. ago. She said it was mutual, and that he did want to be friends, then changed his mind.
Concerns me that she has never been single since the 9th grade...can't seem to be comfortable with that. She said to me after the recent breakup "sigh...I guess now I will have to deal with things by myself..."
She came out to him and to me in October, saying she was quite certain she was bi. I didn't really react, except to say " OK, whatever. It doesn't have any bearing on anything. We just want you to be successful." And she knows that we don't want to hear about her, or anyone's sex life...it's a private thing.
I think it was within a few days of the breakup, she was home for spring break and tells me she met a girl in an online dating site. I expressed my concern about safety, and asked why the site, isn't there any way to meet people on campus. So I agreed to drive her to the mall to meet this person, and when I picked her up, she brought the girl over to the car to meet me. I was very nice to her, even though I have no real grasp of the extent of this meeting...my DD is constantly online messaging various people. I'm sure some are new friends from campus, but obviously they are some that she meets online. She's hardly ever NOT texting or messaging.
So, I almost feel like I am not in any position to ask questions, or pry or be concerned about how this thing unfolds..as long as she is safe. So I haven't asked and she hasn't said. I used to care more about the relationships she was in, but I think I am exhausted by all the past ones and the effort we put in to them as parents. I don't relish the thought of having new romantic interests over for dinner or to hang out.
I get the feeling she wants us to jump up and down with glee about this new phase/or dating thing, but my thoughts are that she's an adult, and what she does with herself is her business. We just want to make sure she is safe, keeps her job, pays her bills, and keeps her grades up so she can continue to get the financial aid she's been getting. She is going to live at home and commute next year to save a bunch of money.
Sorry this is so long, but I am so tired and needed to put this down and see if anyone else has felt this way...?
Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Mar. 24, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)
Answer by gdiamante at 6:20 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by feralxat at 6:27 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:42 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
You have to find a place to fit in that you are comfortable with. It's hard to sit back & watch the show so to speak, but once they hit a certain age, that's about all we can do. We don't get to stop parenting once they hit that magic age of 18. Our roles change at some point, but we still have to provide that soft place to land when they need us. Sounds like she is trying to figure some things out in her life. Hopefully she can maintain the grades & other responsibilities while she works it all out. Hang in there mama. And look at it this way, at least she can't get pregnant if she's dating a girl! lol :p
Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:45 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by wendythewriter at 6:49 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by PartyGalAnne at 7:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by older at 7:16 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 7:20 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 8:06 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:00 PM on Mar. 24, 2013
Next question overall
Is there a help manuel for cafemom? I have trouble seeing my replies, knowing...
Recently Bumped in Parenting
Do you ever feel like your heart is going to explode?
Featured Posts in All Groups