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Can someone put some sense into my head?

I'm going through a serious insecurity phase. It's been like this for some months now.
I'm 21, he's 31. We been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning, before we got too serious, I caught him talking to his ex a few times. That made me insecure. Then seeing what she looks like, made me even more insecure.

All I talk complain about to him is my body. Then I start saying stuff like, "you want your ex back, her body's nicer, you wish my hips were wide like hers". It's so immature of me. In the back of my mind, I'm always thinking maybe he wishes my body was like hers, he misses her. What if they start talking again. All this stuff running through my mind.! Then I go on to think how long they been together, the fun times they had. He probably had more fun with her etc. and to top or off, she left him, and he begged for her back.

It's like, a woman that's not even in our lives is destroying us because of me!! This is not healthy at all. This has got to stop. Or it's going to drive me crazy! Anyone want to try putting some sense into my head?!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 25, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Maybe get some counseling, and wonder why a 30 year old man would have dated a teen, I think you need to get up an out on your own, this is silly, when you are 80, are you going to compare your ta tas to the 76 year old?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 1:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • Maybe you should seek help

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • The sense is already in your head; you just need to listen to it!

    Answer by Ballad at 1:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I don't need to seek help. I don't think it's that crucial?
    It could be also I'm keeping all this bottled up inside. I have no one to talk to about this.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:53 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • Get some self esteem.
    Whether that comes in the form of a mani/pedi, a new pair of shoes, or a serious life change (diet/fitness/counseling), you need to start having some confidence.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:54 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • If your insecurities are ruining an otherwise healthy relationship, I don't see why you'd think you don't need help.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • Until you have settled with yourself that your most important attribute for attracting attention from a man is the person you are on the inside, and until you become so confident of that person that nobody or no thing can shake it, you aren't ready for a relationship. Somebody(maybe yourself, but probably not) has convinced you that it's your looks or your sex appeal that's the most important thing you must have to offer a man. That is simply not the truth. When a man is attracted to you for the person you are, for your gifts, talents and abilities, your looks become very much the less important. The bonus for having that kind of relationship is that you can then always try to look your best for your beloved with the full knowledge that it's not the deciding factor in whether or not he remains interested in you. Put first things first, and don't waste your emotions on things that really shouldn't matter that much!

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • Honestly... if you are this insecure in this relationship, it isn't the right one for you. Love shouldn't be so frakin hard. Sure long term relationships take some work, but if you have been feeling like this the whole time it isn't worth it. How is it going to last in five years when it gets bumpy and you are so full of insecurities? It isn't. Let it go now and move on. When the right guy comes along it will feel right. He will never let you feel like you are second to someone else.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:20 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • NannyB.... Awesome advice as usual!



    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:22 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • You know what helped for me? I went to a business school. Found something I was passionate about. Something to take the focus off us (since we been together since I was 16) and to build myself as the person I am meant to be. I'm not saying go to that extreme but you really do need to do things to build yourself up. Show him how sexy YOU are! Get yourself clothes that make you FEEL hot! Get your nails and hair done. Buy new makeup. Make him fuss over you and pay attention when he does. If you act like you're nothing he's going to get tired of convincing you that you are. Just find out who you really are and what you really want.

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 2:22 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

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