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Are you okay w/ your husband having a close female friend?

they text multiple times a day and the friendship was kept secret from you originally until you discovered it. now he says they are just friends and he has no intention of ending the friendship at all. he is also friends with her husband although he texts her much much more than he texts him.

i don't know what the hell to think. she claims they are just friends as well but why did he hide the friendship and delete all the texts?

now he wants me to be okay with the friendship.
we have a therapy appt in 2 weeks.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Mar. 25, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • If he's been hiding it then there is more to the relationship, especially if he keeps deleting the texts That i will not be okay with.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:37 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I would not mind but the hiding tells me there much more, or why else would it need to be hidden?


    Answer by older at 4:37 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I hope the therapy helps sort out everything.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:44 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I'd be investigating: BIG TIME.


    Answer by 3libras at 4:44 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • i absolutely think there is something more going on. i called her immediately but she didn't answer. then we sent texts back n forth and she swears she loves her husband & family and doesn't discriminate friendships based on male vs female etc. she says she didn't know that my husband had kept their friendship a secret. i looked at the text logs and in the last 4 days they have exchanged 125 texts. in the last 4 days my husband & i exchanged 3 and I sent them all! what the hell are they saying to eachother? i can't know because he erased his texts and she says that her husband makes her erase hers as well.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • My husband has 2 very close female friends that date back to high school. He has others that he has met over the years from work.

    I have male friends from college. We are at the minimum acquaintense with each other and have met at least a few times. Some we have grown to be great friends.

    I am secure in my relationship and so is my husband. I guess we must be after 37 years.
    Get your counseling. It maybe nothing at all. I am more concerned about keeping it secret.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:46 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I would be suspicious with that amount of ongoing secrecy and volume. If they are just friend, he shouldn't have a problem showing you what they are texting.

    Good luck.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 4:50 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • he also didn't tell me that he & the husband were friends too. so the 3 of them have been carrying out a friendship behind my back for weeks. the odd part is that i was friends with the wife first! but apparently they ran into each other (so they both claim) at walmart & exchanged numbers. i am simply devastated & nauseous over this bullshit.

    how am i supposed to find out if they are having some type of affair when they both deny it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:52 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • This is not a problem in our marriage and never has been, but I would not be at all okay with it. We said something in our vows that was something like "forsaking all others" which leads me to believe he should not be having other close female friends--if for no other reason than it causes you unrest and anxiety. No matter what his excuse might be, he should stop texting with her!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:53 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

  • I had a similar conversation with my ex. He had close female friends and would delete ALL his conversations with these women. I did some... creative looking.... and found out that he slept with all of them. I am deeply in love with him and I found out he is trying to propose. Needless to say I am stuck emotionally, but in my heart I know I need to leave him. TRUST is EVERYTHING in a relationship. The moment you doubt it is the moment you should leave. Believe me we are trying to work things out, but nothing is the same. Trust your heart.

    Answer by starlit_kissez at 4:55 PM on Mar. 25, 2013

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