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Is she forcing them to grow up too soon?

My brothers wife is always on the go, needs to be the center of attention, not comfortable with routine and always changing things kinda woman.

The girls are 7 and 9. The 9yr old has a cell phone which I actually agree with since the kids are very often with babysitters and friends. She said she got the 9yr old a book about how her body will change. I assumed periods, boobs and so forth. I guess it goes into sex and everything. She let her browse through it herself. It became an issue at school because she mentioned it to friends without the content being properly explained to her. My sister in law thought it was funny and brought her adult toy business into the conversation with the guidance counselor. She said she should've got the counselor to host a party for her. Confused child and her concern is about business? Now she wants to do both their room in pretty much a teen theme. Boy posters and things like that. She already requested themes for birthdays and Christmas in the past. We all pitched in to get them Princess and Tinkerbell decor. Then seriously 2yrs later it was Hannah Montana that we all bought. 2yrs later it's all gone. She sold it again. Plain curtains, a poster or two on the wall with a character on it. They wear bras now. Still flat chested. They wanted padded ones and she was actually going to get them but didn't have the money. My brother said "hell no" when he heard.

I feel like she's rushing them. Let them be little. My son is almost 8yrs old but my daughter is only 8mos. My husbands sister has 4 girls and I know everyone does things different but is this "normal?" I feel like she's sending them the wrong message because her 9yr old was planning on doing a mock music video to Katy Perry's 'Last Friday Night.' It just seems a little too much at times so I was just wondering what you all thought. She seems so anxious to push them into the next step and my husband says all she'll get is grandkids. He says next she'll have them wearing thongs.
So I'm not the only one that thinks this is weird. My mom thought it was odd that they even have most of the kids toys in the attic and are not accessible.

I also noticed that the age 9 is in the Tweens section of the categories. I know this is kinda long but thoughts please?


Asked by ThatBoysMom at 9:12 AM on Mar. 26, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,674 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • She acts as though she's living vicariously through them. Maybe these are how she wanted things to be when she was a little girl but couldn't have them, so she's going to make sure her girls do!
    It's truly sad that can't just let them be children.

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:23 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Her kids, her rules. We don't get a say in how others raise their kids.

    Is it too much too fast for that age? Well, in my house it would be. However, my DD is 7 and I have gotten her those sport bra looking things. She's got little breast buds and I want her to get used to having to wear something for support. She doesn't wear them all the time, but I will have her wear them under certain clothing. I don't go into the sex talks with her yet as she is too young to really grasp what I am talking about. I finally told her and her brother (10) where babies came out and they were both horrified and sickened.

    DD has some classmates that are very into boy bands and choosing the boy band theme for their birthday parties. I find it a little silly, but not too grown up for them. Some of Katy Perry's stuff is too mature for them though. They don't even know what she's singing about.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:20 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Seems very young for all of that to me. I think television and society are making kids grow up much too quickly...but only in certain ways.

    Emotionally, and intellectually they are still too young and inexperienced for some of the information and exposure that they're getting. I don't think it's very healthy. What's the rush? Let them be kids, gradually give them the information and responsibility that they need to grow up into healthy adults as they're ready and can understand it.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:28 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Actually, I think that's the best thing that could have happened for the girls out of that counselling session. This will give the counselor a good idea of what kind of parenting skills she has and what her priorities are.

    I would totally support the piano lesson thing though, even if it's her wishing she had done it when she was younger. Nothing wrong with having a little musical background. Better than making mock Katy Perry videos, singing songs that have words that you don't understand and are totally inappropriate for that age group.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:34 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Parents are more interested having their child be their friend more then their parent. It makes me sick. If your brother really cares he needs to step in and put a stop to this. What kind of mother brings a child into an adult toy store??? Let alone what adult toy store lets a child inside?? Here in my state you have to 18 or over.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:23 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • I have a 'freind' like this. She's let her daughter watch teen shows since she was 4. She lets her dd wear heals, make up, jewelry, spaghetti strap shirts with tummy revealed. Honestly, her dd looked like a street walker at age 7. She's 10 now. She knows WAY too much and when she's around my son of the same age i monitor VERY closely because i don't want my son to know things she does. If my son ever wanted to date her in the future i would never allow it, ever. I have a feeling her mom will be the kind of parent that allows boys in her bedroom and boys over when mom's not home. IMO, any mom who lets her dd dress like a 'slut' is not the kind of people i want my son around. And i don't discriminate...any parent who lets their son dress like a thug is not my style either. Usually, character IS reflected in clothes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • I wouldn't dwell on this one more minute, it is sad that she is pushing them towards being teens, but really just sit back and watch, you cannot, and I repeat DO NOT insert yourself into this, just let her raise them how her and her husband think is best.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:54 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • I agree, it's not something to dwell on. Recognize that many of your SIL's decisions & actions don't sit well with you, and that this tells you about yourself (your reaction suggests what you think is important, what you think parents should/shouldn't be doing, etc.)

    What I see that you could consider doing....Be mindful of your personal boundaries & honor them more (for example, don't purchase gifts at her request if you don't really want to. Or recognize internally that you're doing it in spite of not wanting to, because you feel pressured or whatever.) Give honest personal feedback when you feel it (but in a personal way that owns your feelings, not in a way that brings "the issue" up as if there's a right & wrong.) Support your SIL & brother, and your nieces, as much as you can. There's a lot of room for acceptance & caring, even with all that's happening. (She gave the book & a school issue came up--how did that feel?)

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:06 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • PMSmom10 you are right about that and she will admit it. She'll say things like "I want to put her in piano lessons because it's something I've always wanted to do."

    Comment by ThatBoysMom (original poster) at 9:25 AM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Sorry she don't take her into an adult toy store. She sells for Pure Romance. Independent adult toy supplier kinda thing. But for some reason she thought the need to bring that to the counselors attention when her child was talking about sex at school. To me that was a BAD move because it implies that she knows what her mom sells and what they are for when she shouldn't at all.

    Comment by ThatBoysMom (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Mar. 26, 2013