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Why doesnt my step son accept me?

Ive been with my soon to be husband for almost 3 years. We have a son together who is 1. I also have a daughter who is 4. My step son is also 4. They are 4 mos apart. After finding out I was pregnant with our son my husband decided I stay home with the kids. Even though blending a family is diffcult my fiance and I didnt agree on where his child went all day. So his mom would pick his son up which he has full custody of, and my daughter and eventually my son would be the only ones in the home. I was against this. When his son was acting up and heard negative things about what he was doing at his grandmas house he decided Im a much better catch. I try include him in everything I do with my kids. My daughter tells me all the time she loves me, well today my step son said he hated me. He said I took his dad away from him, I moved in and basically took over. Which thats not the case. Ive been nice, loving and always there. Help!

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melissac1225

Asked by melissac1225 at 2:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • A 4 year old is saying that you stole his dad and took over? I know kids have different levels of development, but that does not sound like something a 4yr old would say, in y opinion. It sounds to me like he is being coached to say these things to you.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:31 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • All kids say I hate you s don't take it personal. But with him going beyond that it almost like he is being coached to say it and hate you.
    Maybe have his dad talk to him and see why he feels that way.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:34 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Well his grand parents always had it out for me. They never have liked me. They told lies to my fiance about how mean i am, and that I dont feed him n all. They put so much stress on me I had my son 6 weeks earlier. His birth mom isnt in the picture. He says im mean because I tell him how it is. His grand pare nts never discpline him. Which if I was mean I wouldnt have such well respected kids. He said he cant love me because I did that. He wants it back to how it was before we meant. He was just 2, which makes me think how can he remember?
    melissac1225

    Comment by melissac1225 (original poster) at 2:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • It sounds to me like someone is putting ideas into your stepson's head. I think it's up to your husband to figure out who is doing it and put a stop to it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:40 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Exactly, he is not going to remember a time before he was 2, he s being coached to say these things. That's really sad, because he probably doesn't hate you, he just doesn't know any better because of who is coaching him.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:41 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • He said hes going to talk to him. Weve broke up 3 times because his son is so distant with me and I couldnt handle him during the day. My hubby always let him go with his parents instead of building a relationship with me and my kids. He finally agreed with me that he needs to stay home instead of basically living with his grandparents.
    melissac1225

    Comment by melissac1225 (original poster) at 2:41 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • I keep telling him no matter what Ill love him and care about him. And nothing is going to change. Im here forever. He looks at me and screams NOOOO!! I also have asked him does ur gma and gpa say you cant love me? He says No? Doesnt make sense. Alsp he wont come by me. Ask me for help. Ask to eat or anything. He'll ask my daughter to ask me, isnt that odd?
    melissac1225

    Comment by melissac1225 (original poster) at 2:48 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Sounds like time to cut the grandparents off until they can apologize and learn their boundaries. Of course, your DH has to take the lead on this. Splitting the kids up like that isn't a good idea.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:03 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • Those words from the 4 year old were put in his head by an adult, work around it and do your best to win his love, it will take time but kids respond well to love...
    older

    Answer by older at 3:04 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

  • From your other posts, this is a battle of wills. Don't play and he will learn that he needs to communicate with you.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:04 PM on Mar. 26, 2013

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