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6 Bumps

Why is the answer to "We're having problems in the bedroom" adult content

always for the woman to do something different? Why is it suggested that she get lingerie,or strip for him,etc?
Why is it her fault?
A woman has a baby,her workload doubles,he still wants a sex life like they had before kids. Or instances where he loses interest. Somehow it's her fault for not having the same body,the same drive.
I read alot of questions here where ladies are asking for help and so many tell her to basically slut it up. So what happens when THAT no longer works?
I think we need a class for men on the REALITIES of life,marriage,and sex.
What are these men doing to renew her interest in sex?


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 10:54 AM on Mar. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I think men are just kind of dumb, so we treat them as such. "Oh look! A boob!"

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 11:11 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I agree to a certain extent. I think the effort has to come from both parties and that both parties need to make their needs known. But at the same time when my dh and I were having issues in the bedroom it was because both of us felt unappreciated by the other. Once I started showing more attention, he started reciprocating. I think a lot of times people say "you don't do this for me, so I won't for you" then both parties feel like they aren't getting what they want and it becomes a vicious cycle of "you do it first". Then no one gets what they need and both parties are unhappy.

    I say give a bit more then you can expect more.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:02 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I do strongly agree that men need to be taught to have realistic expectations for their partners. Most women are not porn stars, nor do they want to act like them.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:04 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • You are so RIGHT Butterfly!! And I'm guilty of some of those answers.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:56 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I always tell the new moms: The amount of "play" he gets is directly in proportion to how many diapers he changes and midnight feedings he wakes up for.

    However, when a WOMAN is unsatisfied with her sex life I encourage her to take charge and try different things. Not for HIM, but for HERSELF.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:52 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • You do have to understand though that boys learn from watching that stuff on TV and the internet. Many times they just have a really unrealistic idea of what sex is. You are correct, it's not all about pleasure. I, myself, could truly be sexless and have a very best friend, someone that I could relate to and enjoy life with.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:15 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I agree if a man wants sex the best way to do that is for him to wash the dishes, clean a room, give the kids a bath then put them to bed lol JK seriously I feel when sex is a ughh really do we have to its because we're not emotionally fulfilling each other. That's my turn on kisses I love you a small note saying his much he appreciates me.

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 11:58 AM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I am not a girl in a porno. I don't want a finger in my butthole and I don't angle my body to look prime for the camera. If you shove a giant dick in me repeatedly I will not say "YOU ARE GOD".

    That's the problem with porn. Puts unrealistic ideas in a guy's head.

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:41 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • Maybe it's because people don't know the real answer. So "slut it up" it is!

    I have had "dry spells" in my relationship & we have handled it like something that happens. I think it's about adjusting to reality and accepting what's in front of you, rather than pointing out the problems with what's in front of you (essentially, saying it's not acceptable.) You may not be happy about something, but it is HAPPENING, so best to accept that AND respond, rather than focusing on resisting it for how "wrong" it is!!

    But if you're in a situation where your partner does NOT respond constructively to reality (but instead, finds fault with it for being that way), then instead of having a "dry spell" (for whatever reason) that you accept & move through, you have this Issue or this Conflict.

    Once people start presenting that Conflict (we're "having problems in the bedroom") then others get all solution-focused. Do this, try this, be this.

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • My husband can go on something visually stimulating alone. I need touch. If he don't touch me, he don't get it. You would think after 13 yrs he would've figured it out by now. He wears good cologne and walks by me or asks if I like his butt in jeans and things like that, like it's going to do anything for me. Wearing something sexy still doesn't make me wanna do it. Whether it's me that is wearing it or him. Plus, who has the energy for it?

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 11:03 AM on Mar. 27, 2013