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3 Bumps

Should I have tried therapy first?

I am the one asking all the divorce questions. My husband texting the neighbor...

we had a therapy appt for this Saturday but I ran and filed yesterday anyway.

i am torn between feeling horribly disrespected by him but knowing that my family needs to be together. i am such a mess right now.

i was looking back at our texts where I asked him to stop the "friendship" with this woman and he said "deal with it or don't". but he also said "we have therapy saturday - let's start there".

so did i screw up big time? i am feeling so horrible right now.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Mar. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • i havent seen your questions, but i fervently hope you arent ending a marriage over text messages to the neighbor? i mean, i guess the contents of the messages make a difference, but, still...

    anyway i tried therapy and it didnt work for us. if the trust issue is shat all over, repairing it is very difficult especially when the one who broke it doesnt make any attempt to try.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:44 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • There's no rule saying you can't try therapy even after the initial filing. But if he is telling you to just deal then it doesn't sound like he's interested in working it out anyway.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:47 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • i remember some of that post. but "deal with it or dont" sounds to me like "i'm doing it whether u like it or not." it wouldnt have been too bad to go try therapy first i guess, but u cant change that now
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 1:50 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • You can still go to therapy. And I highly suggest it with and without him.

    You had a knee-jerk reaction and filed. It does not mean that the divorce has to happen. But both of you need to work on your marriage. He has to hear what you are saying, and respect you. You need to figure out what you get from this relationship and if it will work for you in the long run. I don't know if you are insecure or just did something as an emotional reaction because you'd had enough. Therapy will help you with that.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 1:59 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I Think you can still try and go to therapy and see if that helps if it does then stop the divorce if it doesn't then keep moving forward with it. Maybe by filling he can see that you are serious about and may try to work on the relationship even harder but if he doesn't you know that he really do not care about you and your feelings. Wish you the best.

    Alisim

    Answer by Alisim at 1:59 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • It's not a done deal because you filed, that's for sure. Try therapy as well. You've put the divorce in motion, but that might not be a bad thing. You can always stop the process if you change your mind.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 2:04 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I think what you did isn't the "end" of the line. But it will give you ground to stand on. You tell him you won't stand for being disrespected and longer and if he's going to say "deal with it or don't" you tell him, "I won't deal with it and I won't continue to be respected. We can go to therapy and try to start over, but this is the end of the line for me. Get on this train or it's leaving the station without you."
    daylily888

    Answer by daylily888 at 2:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • No, you didn't. And, just b/c you filled for divorce it doesn't mean you have to get divorced if you change your mind through therapy. However, I honestly feel like he's been cheating on you & I personally wouldn't forgive that.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 2:26 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • i feel like he's been cheating too. and our marriage wasn't roses before this incident - there was already no trust, so I 99% know i did the right thing. when I doubt myself I just look at the "deal with it or don't" text reply.

    still doesn't help the deep heartache I am feeling. I still love him even after all this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • Well, heartache doesn't just go away. That takes time. Sometimes even years.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 2:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

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