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My oldest daughter, dated a guy, whim I did not approve of - it got the point where she went and lived with her grandparents. Now, she's in her first year of college and living 12 hours away from home by car.
Anyhow, her and this boy - have broken up and shed dated other boys her senior year of high school.
This bit now continues to call and text her. She'd called before thanksgiving last year to ask if I'd call our cell phone provider and have his number blocked, so I did. The boy continued to call and text from some app on his phone that he can continue to change the phone number. He'd also call from his employment. So, making my daughter Handel her own mess - I made her call the local police and they went and talk to him. The minute after the officer called to tell her, he'd spoken to him - the boy calls her.
She came home for spring break - he sent her a message on Facebook asking her if shed have sec with him - than apologized and deleted him Facebook page. But kept texting and calling her.
My daughter called me on Monday, saying this boy called her at 11pm. Stating he had a letter from the sheriffs department mailed to his address. She's never used his addresses and my address is on her drivers license and other records.
Anyhow, so I went to the police station today and spoke with an officer. They once again wdntbdnd talked to him but nothing can be done because he's not actually threatening her. And the officer assured me, it was okay because there is a distance between them.
He told the officer he'd drop the letter off at the police station tomorrow & they'd call me, than I could come pick it up.

She's never been in trouble with the law and why would anything be sent to his address?
Is there anything else was can do?
It's just plane harassment.

She had friends and relatives from here, so she first know egat numbers to answer & egat bubers to ignore.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Mar. 27, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • Have her change her number. It is the best thing she can do so he can't keep bothering her.

    Answer by kmath at 8:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • what state are you in

    Answer by feralxat at 8:38 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • Have her send the following to him in an email, letter, or text message:

    Do not call me. Do not text me. Do not make any attempt to communicate with me in any way, shape or form. I want nothing more to do with you.

    Then if he does, which he will, you can get a no-contact order. You should be able to get one now, now that I think of it.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 8:54 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • she should keep a detailed record of every contact he makes , the date, time, context etc. keep all voicemailes he sends too. in time if he continues long enough she should be able to get a restraining order against him by showing he continues to give unwanted attention to her. she should also change her phone number pronto. and her email addy. she should not communicate with anyone who is friendly with him since they will likely tell him new ways to contact her.

    once she gets the restraining order it will be much much easier to see this guy punished or given mental health help per whatever is going on in his head.

    Answer by partingwhisper at 9:11 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • She can try for a restraining order but unless he is threatening her, they may not issue one.You would have to have it be contact by phone, text letter etc.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:34 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I agree with Rosehawk, but depending on where you are, the police may not think it's serious enough. It already sounds like the police there think that. But the police are not the judge. The judge is the one that decides on no-contact protective orders. No matter how much anyone else says they "don't think it's enough," it can't stop you from requesting an order. The worst that can happen is that the stalker knows you filed for it and that you want no further contact. So why not try for it? However, I would not text it but only send it via certified mail with a signature receipt request. That way, you have proof that he received it. With email, he can claim he never got it. Get her number changed as well. A small price to pay for peace of mind. But, keep records of any threatening text/voice/email messages before you change it. Advise her not to walk anywhere alone. He sounds dangerous. ~(legally experienced but not a lawyer)

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:56 PM on Mar. 27, 2013

  • I heard there is a law in some states where if the police are called on you repeatedly for stupid stuff they will fine you for taking time from a cop who could have been doing more important things. Perhaps if this guy is just being a huge pain in the ass and taking up the polices time by them having to go tell him to knock it off he received a letter from the cops telling him if he didn't stop he would be fined. The only other thing you might be able to do is get a lawyer and send and official cease and desist order?

    Answer by LadybugTash at 12:00 AM on Mar. 28, 2013

  • She may also want to invest in a compact stun gun or pepper spray in case this guy is crazy enough to find her on campus. Better safe than sorry. She should also report this to her school police dept. If the guy is contact her at her school phone number, then that is the school's concern. The campus police may treat this more seriously.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:01 AM on Mar. 28, 2013

  • I hate to say it, but just in case, I would caution your daughter not to go out alone till this is settled, especially at night. It might not get that far, but this guy sounds unstable; you can never be too careful.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:00 AM on Mar. 28, 2013

  • I would change her number. Have her make her Facebook private, change her email address (I know that's really inconvenient, but sometimes you just have to inconvenience yourself). By changing/eliminating all the methods he has of contacting her right now, if he then finds the new info (new phone number, new email address, etc.), I would think you could take that to the cops and get a restraining order - that, to me, would be clear proof of stalking.

    I would also make sure that she doesn't go anywhere alone, or out at night, unless she absolutely has to - and then, I'd have her make sure she lets you know, and a friend on campus, and leaves a note in her room that indicates where she was going, the route she was taking, and that he's been harassing her, in case anything were to happen to her.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:23 AM on Mar. 28, 2013

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