Dh and I have been together 12 years, married 10. We have 3 kids. We have had a great relationship for the most part, but the last few years have been a struggle. We started counceling, but it didn't seem to be getting us too far. I did some on my own as I know I needed some help for my issues. Dh slowly slinked off to the side while I worked out my own problems, which I admit has caused a lot of our problems, and things seemed to get a bit better. But he isn't perfect, and issues have still come up. Anyways, we decided we didn't love our counceler and he was game to getting some books to read up on and workbooks to do instead. We went together to get them. So far I have been the only one to really work on them, though we have sat down at my encouragement to read some stuff together, and he has been surprisingly open. I havnet wanted to push him, but we have really been having a roguh go for the last few months, so I have been looking for a new therapist for my own issues and letting him. Know how hard im working on us. Last week he said he really was ready to work on the books and make a bigger effort. Well I don't know what happened last night, but some conversation went up in flames and he basically admitted he doesn't feel like he has to work on anything, he is basically just waiting to see what happens, and that he really isn't expecting any results.
That was quite a blow.
Im devistated. I told him last night that it is completely unfair to leave it all on my shoulders and he is not so innocent. Of course he gets even more defensive and starts turning everything around, totally confusing me and saying he just is working on things his own way but can't tell me how and that he doesn't expect me to understand. I was such a total mess by the end of the conversation and so hurt, all I could do was cry. How did we get to the point that it doesn't seem to matter If we hurt each other? He said he loved me, then fell asleep while I balled next to him. This morning he sat next to me quietly inbed before leaving for work, but said he was sorry for last night, kissed me, then left.
Wtf? Im so angry. I don't know waht to say, or what to think. I don't even want to talk to him about our relationship anymore. I don't want to be around him. I feel like I just work on myself and either he pulls his head out of his ass or. . I don't know.
Is this just a lost cause? I don't even know what I am working for anymore. Why was he supposedly game for everything, including renewing our vows last fall, then admits he thinks we are basically stuck and nothings going to get better?
Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Mar. 29, 2013 in Relationships
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