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2 Bumps

How to handle a situation when a Mother is threatening to keep her kids away from the father because he is trying to work on things in his new relationship?

So basically my boyfriend and I had a lil tiff (no kids around). He wanted some space and for 1 week we didn't see eachother, but realized we vauled our relationship more than our egos and and working on our differences and how to understand each other better. Well during the week long break his ex wife asked him what was going on or wrong with him (when getting the kids)? He mentioned that we had broken up and needed some space. Well 3 days later she randomly text him to see if he was ok and when he yes "Yes we are working on things" She flipped out on him and said he can't see or take his kids around me. I have never treated those kids wrong and I have a daughter myself. Our kids love each other and call each other sisters. I am always doing arts and crafts with them, taking them to various activities and theme parks. We get the kids EVERY Weekend and now she won't let us have them at all??

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stepmomma27

Asked by stepmomma27 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 29, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • She has to follow the court order on visitation and she does not have a right to dictate his life.

    I do not know how long you have been dating but my feeling is that the kids should be kept out of it until you are ready (or close) to making your relationship a permanent thing. It is too hard on the kids. JMO
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:15 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Well, I don't agree with her keeping the kids away, but I can see why she wants to. He chose you and his space over his kids. If he has a custody order, he needs to go to court have they can find her in contempt.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • How new is the relationship, maybe she doesn't want the kids to get attached more to you, until you all have worked things out, and really it is a good idea to not introduce your children, his childern untl you have been dating for a long while. She can't do one thing, if there is a court order in place, but I am suprised that every weekend you all have thme? It isn't about the way you treated his kids, it is she doesn't want more upheaval in the kid's lives.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Do they have a custody agreement? If they do, the mom can't just change it to suit her. However, I agree with the others that introducing kids too soon can be really hard on them if the relationship doesn't work out and they have to let go of someone they've grown attached to. I'd be worried about that as their mother, but still, she can't just pull the plug.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Sorry this only aloud so many words... but we've been together for 5 months. We want to get married but can't finanically at the moment because he is still making payments on her house until it sells. I am currently expecting but we are not telling her or the kids until past the first trimester. She has been with her boyfriend on and off (like every two weeks) since Oct. He never chooses me over his childern. She has made it so that we have the kids Fri-Sun every weekend therefore, we don't get our own time because I have my daughter full time as well. She uses his child support $ to help pay for her b/f's appartment, but she lives with her parents (stays back and forth half the time and we don't question it). Her boyfriend broke up with her in Jan b/c he said he didn't know if he wanted kids or even step kids yet she is trying to force that relationship. She has tired to make "family plans" w/him to go to Cali w/o me being
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • around. But I try to ask her if her and her new b/f want to join us in putting the kids in an all natural beauty pageant etc. I do a lot for her kids and treat them like my own. If you were to ask the kids where they want to go or be they would say w/me and their dad & she admits it!
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • If they have a court order, she has to follow it, or she can be found in contempt of court.

    If not it's time to go to court to get one.

    Whether she likes his choices or not, he is an adult, and unless he is doing something the court would consider child endangerment, neglect or abuse, she really doesn't have a choice in what he does.....just as he doesn't have a choice in what she does.

    You however, have no say, as I'm sure you know. When it comes to his child custody and visitation, that's between him and her.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • I know but I see how upsetting this is making him and I hate to see her try to manipulate him just to get her way all the time. She filed taxes on both kids and now he owes on his taxes. Plus he is making her house payment because she doesn't want the house and says she can't afford it. She drainer their bank accounts twice before both $5000 each time and put the money in another account with only her name on it with the kids but won't show proof the it is still in there when he's asked. She never wants the kids on Holidays (except xmas morning until 10) and just took a week vacation for vday out of the country with her b/f. She finds excuses for him to pay extra and not w/ a check. I found out she was getting food stamps in Dec and I told him that he needs always write her a check or go through ORS b/c she shouldn't be getting food stamps (She is already getting Child Support!) I think she is just trying to work the system
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:36 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • She can't do that if there's a custody order, but I can see where she's coming from. You've been dating five months, broken up, gotten back together. That's not the most stable situation for the kids to be in, especially since they already had one home broken up by divorce. She's probably looking at it as trying to protect her children - and I think, if you put yourself in her shoes (imagine if your ex was doing this, you might feel much the same), you can understand where she's coming from.

    There's nothing you can do about this. It's between him and her, and a judge if it comes to it. But you're not married to him, so you have no say, and even if you were married to him, it's really between the two of them. You can only tell him what you think.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • It sounds like you're right, but he needs to be man enough to stand up to her, and make sure that he is not being taken advantage of. Are they actually divorced? Is there a court order?

    I definitely wouldn't have gotten pregnant by someone who was still in such a volatile situation with his ex.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

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