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2 Bumps

How to handle a situation when a Mother is threatening to keep her kids away from the father because he is trying to work on things in his new relationship?

So basically my boyfriend and I had a lil tiff (no kids around). He wanted some space and for 1 week we didn't see eachother, but realized we vauled our relationship more than our egos and and working on our differences and how to understand each other better. Well during the week long break his ex wife asked him what was going on or wrong with him (when getting the kids)? He mentioned that we had broken up and needed some space. Well 3 days later she randomly text him to see if he was ok and when he yes "Yes we are working on things" She flipped out on him and said he can't see or take his kids around me. I have never treated those kids wrong and I have a daughter myself. Our kids love each other and call each other sisters. I am always doing arts and crafts with them, taking them to various activities and theme parks. We get the kids EVERY Weekend and now she won't let us have them at all??

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stepmomma27

Asked by stepmomma27 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 29, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • He picks them up and takes them back b/c she has an excuse every weekend so we just stopped expecting her to follow the divorce decree of having to pick them up. One day we weren't able to and she freaked out on him says "Thanks a lot now I have to go out of my way... blah blah" We were like "Really, but go out of ours every weekend?"

    Personally I think she seen an opportunity for her to try to work back into his life like she has done so many times before (b/c life was so much easier when she has him to fall back to) when we trying not to talk for a week (Which we still did and seen each other 2 times for a 1/2 hour or so) and when she realized that I was back in the picture she freaked out on him. The kids haven't known or noticed a break in the time we had. So it really isn't effecting them. She doesn't want me to see them for 2 months (I think that'll effect them a lot more than 1 weekend)
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • If there's a custody/visitation order, then she can't do this without being found in contempt. If there isn't one in place, there should be and he needs to go to court for one.
    Personally, I would be more than a little upset if my ex had his gf of only 5 months around my kids.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:44 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • They are divorced and there are paperwork for everyting . Things were actually good between all of us. I made her a folder of fun parenting ideas/activities, Mommy/daughter date ideas, etc. because I was making myself a folder and thought he might like one too (She thanked me for it etc) I've met her and actually have gotten a long with her up until a few days ago.
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • She's had her boyfriend around the kids too. We actually spend time with them. Most of the time during the week she is working with the kids at school and daycare. Then after work he takes them for daddy/daughter dates or she has them and if she wants to go do something she leaves them with her epileptic Mother and schizophrenic father (totally stable).
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:49 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • If there's a court order, take her to court for contempt.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:51 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • It is hard to "date" when you have your kids every weekend. So we would get sitters for a few hours on a Sat at first then I would get my Dad or grandma to watch my daughter for a few hours during the week but that was difficult. Our kids are close in age so we just stared doing "play date and activities" with the kids. It made things a lot easier and we got to spend fun time with them and see each other interact with each others kids and our own. I'd rather know if he is a great dad to both his and mine before months down the road.
    stepmomma27

    Comment by stepmomma27 (original poster) at 3:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • You call the police to escort the boyfriend (without you to pick up the kids. per court order) He needs to call her and tell her he will be there at whatever time, and if he is forced will have the police come with him.
    Now, this is just honest to you, Why would you get pregnant by someone you knew for only 5 months, it seems to me, that you are not thinking clearly, and yes it is "hard" to date when you have kids, but really you are putting way to much into someone you have been with a short time, I am glad he is a good guy, but 5 months isn't long enough to be a "mom" to his kids, have his baby, and for that matter have even been around them too much, rush, rush, rush. No matter WHAT she does, those kids deserve to have a normal home enviroment with you and him, so it makes me sad you are playing what she does vs. what you all do, all of it is fucked up!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:14 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • And PS it doesn't cost too much to go to the courthouse and get married, or I suppose you want a wedding and reception blah!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:15 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • jerseydiva- I don't know about in other states, but here in California the police will not enforce a court order. They will sometimes escort one party to "keep the peace' if they believe there may be violence, but they do not enforce a court order for visitation. You have to go to court and have a judge find the other party in contempt.

    Now...you might have the police go to "keep the peace" and they could give you a police report stating that the other party refused to give up the child for you to take to court, but usually the police won't even get involved.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Well, they do here, my neighbor has the police come with her everytime she gets her kids from her ex, she allows him to come and get them on his days, but his wife is a psycho nut, and they escort her every time. sad huh? Maybe just the threat of calling the police will be enough for the Mother to get back on track.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 7:08 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

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