Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to handle a situation when a Mother is threatening to keep her kids away from the father because he is trying to work on things in his new relationship?

So basically my boyfriend and I had a lil tiff (no kids around). He wanted some space and for 1 week we didn't see eachother, but realized we vauled our relationship more than our egos and and working on our differences and how to understand each other better. Well during the week long break his ex wife asked him what was going on or wrong with him (when getting the kids)? He mentioned that we had broken up and needed some space. Well 3 days later she randomly text him to see if he was ok and when he yes "Yes we are working on things" She flipped out on him and said he can't see or take his kids around me. I have never treated those kids wrong and I have a daughter myself. Our kids love each other and call each other sisters. I am always doing arts and crafts with them, taking them to various activities and theme parks. We get the kids EVERY Weekend and now she won't let us have them at all??

Answer Question
 
stepmomma27

Asked by stepmomma27 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 29, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • She has to follow the court order on visitation and she does not have a right to dictate his life.

    I do not know how long you have been dating but my feeling is that the kids should be kept out of it until you are ready (or close) to making your relationship a permanent thing. It is too hard on the kids. JMO
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:15 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Do they have a custody agreement? If they do, the mom can't just change it to suit her. However, I agree with the others that introducing kids too soon can be really hard on them if the relationship doesn't work out and they have to let go of someone they've grown attached to. I'd be worried about that as their mother, but still, she can't just pull the plug.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • Well, I don't agree with her keeping the kids away, but I can see why she wants to. He chose you and his space over his kids. If he has a custody order, he needs to go to court have they can find her in contempt.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • How new is the relationship, maybe she doesn't want the kids to get attached more to you, until you all have worked things out, and really it is a good idea to not introduce your children, his childern untl you have been dating for a long while. She can't do one thing, if there is a court order in place, but I am suprised that every weekend you all have thme? It isn't about the way you treated his kids, it is she doesn't want more upheaval in the kid's lives.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • If they have a court order, she has to follow it, or she can be found in contempt of court.

    If not it's time to go to court to get one.

    Whether she likes his choices or not, he is an adult, and unless he is doing something the court would consider child endangerment, neglect or abuse, she really doesn't have a choice in what he does.....just as he doesn't have a choice in what she does.

    You however, have no say, as I'm sure you know. When it comes to his child custody and visitation, that's between him and her.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • She can't do that if there's a custody order, but I can see where she's coming from. You've been dating five months, broken up, gotten back together. That's not the most stable situation for the kids to be in, especially since they already had one home broken up by divorce. She's probably looking at it as trying to protect her children - and I think, if you put yourself in her shoes (imagine if your ex was doing this, you might feel much the same), you can understand where she's coming from.

    There's nothing you can do about this. It's between him and her, and a judge if it comes to it. But you're not married to him, so you have no say, and even if you were married to him, it's really between the two of them. You can only tell him what you think.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • You call the police to escort the boyfriend (without you to pick up the kids. per court order) He needs to call her and tell her he will be there at whatever time, and if he is forced will have the police come with him.
    Now, this is just honest to you, Why would you get pregnant by someone you knew for only 5 months, it seems to me, that you are not thinking clearly, and yes it is "hard" to date when you have kids, but really you are putting way to much into someone you have been with a short time, I am glad he is a good guy, but 5 months isn't long enough to be a "mom" to his kids, have his baby, and for that matter have even been around them too much, rush, rush, rush. No matter WHAT she does, those kids deserve to have a normal home enviroment with you and him, so it makes me sad you are playing what she does vs. what you all do, all of it is fucked up!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:14 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • jerseydiva- I don't know about in other states, but here in California the police will not enforce a court order. They will sometimes escort one party to "keep the peace' if they believe there may be violence, but they do not enforce a court order for visitation. You have to go to court and have a judge find the other party in contempt.

    Now...you might have the police go to "keep the peace" and they could give you a police report stating that the other party refused to give up the child for you to take to court, but usually the police won't even get involved.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • It sounds like you're right, but he needs to be man enough to stand up to her, and make sure that he is not being taken advantage of. Are they actually divorced? Is there a court order?

    I definitely wouldn't have gotten pregnant by someone who was still in such a volatile situation with his ex.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

  • If there's a court order, take her to court for contempt.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:51 PM on Mar. 29, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.