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5 Bumps

Help with sorting out about my DD~straight, gay, lesbian, bi from anyone who has been there?

She's just 18 and had dated and had serious relationships non stop with boys in HS. Almost all lasted at least 6 months to 1 and 1/2 yrs. Most were painful pretty nasty. She has always put a lot of effort into maintaining these a fault...drove us all crazy with it at times!!

Now in college and has said she is bi...and is possibly "dating around" as she puts it...but assures me she is interested in girls at this point. Since that admission I have been with her when she has seen a guy she works with from campus who is quite handsome and did she ever blush after she said hi.

Ok, so my thought was whatever, but at some point you will probably be with just one person so it will be male or female. I guess whoever you fall deeply in love with.

I do have to wonder if she has just gotten disgusted with boys and is experimenting...I mean if you are bi then you can go either way??? People say you are born being gay, straight, etc., and that it is NOT a choice, but...

I'm not well versed here so if anyone can shed light on what this means I'd appreciate it.
I'm pathetically clueless...trying not to be.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • She might be what they call "pansexual" which is where they view it as loving a person rather than a woman or man, and don't make the distinction by gender, but more by personality and lifestyle.

    Then again, plenty of people have had fooled around with members of the same sex in college, but maintained straight relationships as adults.

    She is young, so it is likely that she can't explain it all that well herself yet.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • All you can do is to continue to love her whatever her orientation may be.

    Answer by winterglow at 1:54 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • Ah, I've heard that word before, but couldn't think of it! Thanks!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:54 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • Kinsey says sexuality is on a scale. 6 being absolutely homosexual, 0  being absolutely heterosexual. Most people fall somewhere in between. He also says this can change over time. Don't worry mama, she is young. She will love who she loves. And you will always love her no matter what.


    Answer by musicmaker at 2:02 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • As long as she's not in a violent relationship with whoever it is, that's what matters more. I see two camps: one group just born with it and the other group that's not but choose to experiment. One of my brothers was born gay. He was always like that since a little kid (makeup, dress-up, etc). The experimentation may be due to disgust with guys but not necessarily permanent. I used to mentor several girls that thought it was cool to be gay b/c being gay and coming out was the new "it" thing when it really wasn't based on any sexual attraction. If you are trying to help her sort it out, then I would advise that you tell her to go with what attracts her the most. It's an attraction feeling that doesn't come from a place of thinking. It's from the gut. Also, remind her about STDs and being safe. The gay community has the highest percentage of STDs (esp for gay men) according to the CDC.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 2:10 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I agree with the first poster, they go for either sex, not looking at the sex but the person.....let her find out who she is by herself and have lots of support for her...

    Answer by older at 2:23 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • My brother was gay from before the time he knew what that meant. He never had any attraction to girls whatsoever. The way he explained it to me, everybody is somewhere on a continuum from completely gay to completely straight, and most people fall somewhere in the middle ground. For many, an experiment or two satisfies them and they figure out their feelings and move on. My brother calls them "bi-curious." I know a couple of people who experimented and found they were basically bi-cuddly, they liked to share closeness with members of the same sex but not go any further. I know one who truly is bi, she can go either way, but she chose a man she was attracted to and has a traditional marriage and two kids. So the black-and-white, easily compartmentalized labels just don't fit everyone.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:31 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I LOVE the bi-cuddly term. I must add that to my vocabulary.

    Answer by musicmaker at 2:35 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I had my first real sexual crush on a girl. But I consider myself straight. I fell in love with and married a man. But if I hadn't married so young, I am not sure I wouldn't have experimented with girls.

    I agree that sexuality if fluid and not so set.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I wouldn't worry too much about putting a label on it, at this point. Just be supportive and let her know she can talk to you if she needs you and that whatever the end result is, you still love her and will be there for her.

    As most others have already said, sexual orientation is fluid for most people. She may eventually settle on one gender or the other or she may actually be bi. If you truly don't care about her orientation (and I hope you don't!), then don't worry about labeling it or trying to define it or waiting for her to "make up her mind" or anything like that.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:13 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

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