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I just want to vent, I feel so exhausted and kind of positive advice might be helpful. Thank you for all of you who will be able to read it till the end...

so, I have 8 years old girl, who I (as mom) think is very bright, teacher from last year thought so too...My daughter last year got identified as seminar student (highly gifted) and was supposed to go to seminar class. She is not as good with transitions and does not get adapted easily, so we decided to leave her in her current school. Her current teacher early on in a year told her and us that she thinks that our daughter is average, she gave her relatively high grades 90-93 in every subject, but as quarter summary she wrote that she does only proficiently and not advanced. On math tests, even when everything was correctly in a number sense, she always found her writing somewhat wrong. She got only twice 100% on math on the tests where were not any writing. The problem with it is that my daughter is not motivated any more, she tells "Mom, no matter how hard i try, that teacher will not give me high grades", sooo, she stop trying and of course if she is not practicing her real skill went down. I have hard time to make her to read, or do math or anything at all... Now her lower grades are real, and it surely can become worse...Her teacher tells us, "Oh, she is a dear, but she was average at the beginning of the year, of course this is hard for her toward the end of the year...", sigh. It's like self-fulfilling proficiency.

My daughter's dad is scientist who concentrate extremely on his career, he works super long hours, travels a lot and kind of got disappointed in his daughter. He mostly scolds her that the house is not clean, that her toys disorganized and so...If he plays with her at all is only on Saturdays and mostly it just play ground play and no help in academic at all.

I work as well, commute over 150 miles (almost two hours) twice a week and have nanny for those days. i teach four classes and a lab. My day at work start at 9 am and finish at 7pm and then I go back home. As result of funding cuts at state system of higher education, our evaluation became stricter and it is much harder to stay at work. I come home exhausted most of the time.

When my husband travels or my daughter is sick things going out of control. When my husband went for one week, i failed to manage house clean, because i had to prepare to observations of my teaching. my nanny helped a bit, but not significantly. I did well with the performance and got job for the next year. Which is good. When my daughter was sick, both I and my hubby had to miss work, but i missed more, well... because i am mom.

Another thing, my daughter's school considered to be a 'good school' and requires enormous involvement, but my husband does not ready to do so. For example, on science day I had to perform at school presentation in science, even though I do not have scientific background. I also have to check papers and do copies for the teacher. From tome to time I asked to help in fundrisers or other school events. The neighborhood the school is = very expensive. The school asks for constant monetary donations, almost on weekly bases, and majority of the parents (who are very rich)- donate, no problem.

In this situation I cannot afford tutor to my daughter, even that everything tells me I should...I also want some time on weekend to get rest. My daughter involved in may after school activities - science after school program, piano, gymnastics, swimming and so. Her homework is huge and she barely able to do all of it in time...

We one of the poorest members in the community, have just small apartment, while majority of the people in school live in big houses with good furniture and so. My daughter having 4-7 playdates each year and gets invited for 1-2 birthday parties a year. She does not have ONE good friend in her class and play a bit with everyone. Generally I feel though that she excluded from richer girls company. For example, she wanted to be a girl scout, but the head of the troup mom told us that my daughter cannot be in the scouts because the registration is done. Later we found that this mom simply lied, there were no obstacle for my daughter to be in this activity.

So... that's about it. i wish i knew what to stop to be that tired, return my daughter motivation to learn and so...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Mar. 30, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (8)
  • So essentially you over extended yourself and your daughter and your husbands a bum when it comes to being a parent?

    Try taking her out of a few activities, figure out your husbands deal and stop worrying about rich-poor bullcrap.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 3:07 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • Yes, thank you for wording it so much shorter. My husband is not to parenting, at all...he is tired too...Rich-poor crap - exist and I cannot really deny it. I am absolutely exhausted and my daughter is not making sufficient progress at school.

    Now my hubby sleeps, even this is saturday and if not my daughter, I would do the same...he supposed to be with her... and yet he isn't, sigh...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:19 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • Wake his ass up then. Seriously, stop letting him be a bum. Maybe look into a neighborhood more suited to your needs, I never got the keeping up with the joneses mentality. I don't care if someone's rich or poor, we ave great friends in all classes. :(

    Answer by funlovinlady at 3:21 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • You seem to have a lot of different complaints, most of them unrelated to each other, and some of them just downright silly. The science presentation when you have science background - do you think all the parents in that school have a science background? Of course not. Your daughter is getting the grades she earns. If she's lacking motivation, that's not the teacher's fault. If she wants better grades, then she should study harder and try harder - and her grades sound fine anyway. 90-93 is a high B, maybe an A? Getting proficient rather than advanced - again, she gets what she earns. Obviously she's not advanced, even though you want to believe she is. There's nothing wrong with proficient. It means she's competent.

    Get your husband more involved. Talk to the teacher to find out what your child can do to help improve her grades - and then make sure your child does it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:22 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • Personally, I love to prove people wrong. My school told my parents I was retarded when I was in second grade. My parents knew that was wrong, and had me privately tested. I am dyslectic. I was kept in public school but also attended private tutoring. I did this for years. In 3rd grade I had a teacher who told me she was tired of treating me different. I had another teacher who refused to advance me to the next math level even though I had done everything in the lower level. I developed an attitude of you are wrong, and I will prove it. My parents always told me I would need to work harder than other kids, but my disability could not be used as an excuse. I now have a masters degree, plus another 90 credits. I am at the top of my pay scale. I would tell your daughter to not let other people tell her what she is capable of doing, and prove them wrong.


    Answer by musicmaker at 3:28 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • wendythewriter- even though those 'complaints' seem to different, they have me in common, i live with them. And they complaints mostly because I physically tired. For example science day complaint relate mostly to my hubby, he is scientist and he could potentially do chemical presentation for his daughter's school. The teacher does not communicate with me "honey, this is nothing wrong to have average child...". My daughter worked very hard at the beginning of the year and the teacher never gave her highest possible grades, even though it seems she much easily give higher grades to children who perform way less than my daughter. But of course it is all subjective and hard to proof...

    musicmaker- I so agree with you, usually I would try to proof anyone wrong, but in this situation- i feel 1. so exhausted physically and 2. the teacher seem to make her mind and nothing will change it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:51 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I agree with musicmaker. Prove them wrong and have a talk with your husband. You need to reframe the situation so that he can see that what he invests in his daughter's education will repay him ten-fold later when she's successful and rich and able to take care of the both of you. Look at Taylor Swift's parents. They believed in their daughter's talents and now they're milionnaires. Ask him if he wants to retire rich? I bet his response would change. But if he's truly being that lazy, you may have to rethink the whole marriage thing. Don't push your child into perfectionism either. If she's not happy, then maybe it's not worth all the work you're putting into it.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:52 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

  • I am not just 'crying here'...
    1. I know my daughter will be successful no matter of what this teacher thinks
    2. Both I and my hubby have Ph.D. degrees and fairly demanding careers. I also get on top of my salary and beyond average teaching evaluations.
    3. The grades are subjective matter, last year my daughter was doing about the same effort and the teacher thought she does beyond ordinary. This year the teacher openly favors some students while giving extremely hard time to others. I am glad my daughter is in between.
    4. My hubby is not lazy, he 100% busy guy who devote almost everything to his career, he is just not that much into parenting. I woke him up. He is doing laundry with my daughter and I got to shower. He told that the last thing he wants to be when he is old- rich.
    5. The commute time is extensive, but I cannot find closer job that will satisfy me as this one. My school contribution time is needed...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:49 PM on Mar. 30, 2013

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