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dealing with adult stepson

im a stepmom of a 26 year old that has lived here on and off for 4 years he is to pay rent and is 1200$ behind since hes been here he got married and has another baby on the way and told me they do not plan on move have said something to my husband but he does nothing I have 2 kids from another man 15 and 12 years old my stepson treats them like crap and tas said there dad because of it I do not want to loose them what can I do for this problem

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fluffy312

Asked by fluffy312 at 9:59 AM on Apr. 1, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You need to talk to your husband! He needs to set the rules. Either pay rent or get the hell out. As well as treat the other family members with respect.


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    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • Leave the current husband. I would not allow someone to treat my own kids poorly. I am the only advocate they have in a situation like that. If I fail them, then I would expect their other parent to step up and push the situation. You can't make your current husband kick his son out, but you can control how much of this you will put up with. It's in your hands. Be and advocate for your children.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:03 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • That's way too old to be living at home, especially with a family. You can't enjoy your life with that many people under your roof. If it's comes to an ultimatum, you walk. Ugh, that's terrible for you.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:07 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • I'd start looking for a place of my own to take my children. They're well being is more important then an adults.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 10:09 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • He's married, has children and responsabilities. It's time he was out on his own with his own family. Your children are still minors and need your care and protection. This is ano-brainer - either he and his family leave or you and yours does. Ultimatum time.

    good luck.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 10:28 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • I would first address the issue of how people in the home interact.

    I don't think it's automatically an either/or situation where the adult son must go "because" he's grown, married, etc. (In other words, it is valid to have arrangements with adult children who come home for a variety of reasons, so the facts of his age & marital status THEMSELVES do not suggest one "right" outcome--that he "should" be out.) However, you have a conflict around this arrangement & that's definitely something to resolve.

    But even if you were to resolve the rent issue so he is paying as agreed, the other issue of interpersonal dynamics is important (and separate, though of course related.) I would point out, too, that the way you go about addressing both issues will influence how family members treat each other. Approaching your conflict constructively overall makes sense if you hope to improve how he interacts with your sons.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:20 AM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • I did talk to my husband more like a fight there is one reason I do not want to leave we have a daughter together she is 9 I have told him it was me and the younger kids or his son he said he is not going to answer that because it would be hurting the 9 year old
    fluffy312

    Comment by fluffy312 (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Apr. 1, 2013

  • And its not hurting the 9 yo to live with someone who causes trouble between her parents and who is nasty to her? Seriously? Your DH is blowing a smokescreen because he doesn't want to actually do something that might cause waves. He needs to grow a pair and deal with his son.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 2:02 AM on Apr. 2, 2013

  • Hi
    I have to say right off, this young man needs to get his own life away from you! If my husband, said nothing to his child in our house especially if he's that much behind in payment he needs to tell him pay up or your out!!!!!!! . Your stepson has an obligation to his own family and needs to take responsibility for his own! This can and will, cause problems for you and your husband if something is not done. I'm sorry your stepson and his family are having problems, but they need to move out so you can resume your life and have the peace in the life you have with your family now! Its that simple! I wish you luck, and please keep me informed! I would like to know how things are going!
    I hope this helped!
    aflower
    aflower

    Answer by aflower at 12:56 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Hope you can get it talked out with your husband.
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 12:14 AM on May. 30, 2013

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