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Why does it seem like I am constantly yelling and spanking my child?

He is a good kid (7) yrs of age. What would be the worse case senario if he was to go to a boys school? I don't know what else to do, but I know when the day comes to go I would never let him go. It is ok to daydream I guess only when acts bad is when I thought like this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • Maybe you could try using a good point chart for him. Something that would focus on his good behaviors. Like if he cleans his room he gets a good point. If he takes his dishes from the table he gets a good point etc. If he does something wrong, he gets a bad point. At the end of the week (or day) if he has more good points than bad, then he gets a reward. We've used this and it works. If the girls ended up even or with one or two good points, they got popcorn and soda on Friday night. If they got five good points, they got some money along with the popcorn and soda. If they got seven good points, they could have ice cream one night etc.... You don't really want to ship him off, do you?? :o) Put him to bed early if he's been awful that day so you can have some mommy time to unwind.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 4:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • A child who is constantly being yelled at and/or spanked will likely act out with negative behaviors. I think it would be wise to step back and look at what is going on and consider making some major changes. Can you get help form a counselor? Any good parenting classes in your area? I just took a great parenting class through the local school district on the 1-2-3- Magic program. It focuses on ding these 3 things: Control Obnoxious Behavior; Encourage Good Behavior; and Strengthen Relationships. Check out http://www.parentmagic.com/ You can get books and dvds. (MY DH and I are watching the dvd right now)
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 5:25 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • 1-2-3 Magic continued. It sounds like you have gotten into this trap described in the program: "You will also learn how to manage the Six Kinds of Testing and Manipulation, how to handle misbehavior in public and how to avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome." That argue hit yell is really easy to fall into if you don't have other strategies. Try and find a way to learn some other strategies. If the yelling and hitting worked you wouldn't need to be doing it so much!
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 5:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I agree with Maggie's post- I really think the more out of control he can make you the more he will act out. my kids actually know when I am mad because I get quiet and calm. haha..

    caught my oldest jumping off her bunk bed the other day and I took her hand and said in a verrrry low voice, very controlled "I will NOT see that again" her eyes got huge and she nodded.

    basically he knows by the age of 7 that he can affect you. you just have to not let (him see) it affect you. try calming yourself down before punishment. count to ten and all that jazz- or visualize him away at boys school and how peaceful that would be... but don't send him, there are other things to try before that last resort.
    LuckyClown

    Answer by LuckyClown at 5:58 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • 1-2-3 Magic is excellent! LuckyClown is right too. Show no emotion when you discipline. Once they see you mad and out of control, they know they've won.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 7:11 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I feel the same with my 8 yr old DD. It seems the only time she listens to me is when I yell at her. I know I have programmed her for this and I do try to stop yelling before it starts but I get so frustrated when she ignores me or does it in her own sweet time, grrr. Sorry I am no help but know you are not alone!!!!!
    jajumommy2000

    Answer by jajumommy2000 at 8:18 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I have a set of 7 year old twins a boy and a girl. My daughter I dont have to yell at as much .But my son I have to yell at him allllllllllllll the time. No matter how much i try to be calm he always ruffles my feather. By doing things his way and when he want to. So when you find the answer please let me know. Because I dont know what to do anymore.I know I was suppose to help but I need help also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I feel the same w/ my 7 yo DD, that I'm constantly reprimanding at her it seems. I have to thank you for posting this question because the responses will help me as well. Good luck to you.
    QTMom2302

    Answer by QTMom2302 at 4:20 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Next time...try this. Stop what you are doing ......stand right in front of your son when you are talking to him (walk over to wherever he is), and look your son directly in his eyes (the eye contact is important) so you have his full attention and he has yours. Now...say what you have to say WITHOUT yelling, but be FIRM . Then ask him if he understands and ask him to repeat what was said....then LISTEN to make sure he got it before you walk away. It's worth a try.

    momjs www.cjkidz.com
    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 8:17 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

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