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Tough decision!

So my twins turn 10 this Sunday, they are supposed to have a slumber party with 2 of their friends each.
The problem is Twin A has been very disrespectful, defiant, not doing any chores, and is also being rude to her sisters. Twin B on the other hand has been very polite, pitching in with house work, overall positive attitude.

Anyway, I want to cancel Twin As party, I don't feel like she deserves it at all, but that would impede on Twin Bs party. I don't want Twin A to think that she can be disrespectful and still have the party, but I also don't want Twin B to have to lose out on a party because of her sisters actions....

What would you do?, and any moms with twins ever have this happen before, I would love to hear about your solution.

Answer Question
 
sheloveearth

Asked by sheloveearth at 7:23 PM on Apr. 3, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,921 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would not treat them as twins. I would treat them as individuals that by chance have the same birthday.   The one that was acting bad.  Would not get the birthday.  The one that was acting right would.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:28 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • It's a little late to cancel the whole party, but maybe Twin B gets to have her friends sleep over, while Twin A's friends have to go home after the "party" portion of it.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:30 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I think Rose has a very good idea and a solution to your problem......
    older

    Answer by older at 7:45 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I like Rose's idea. I would never cancel the party. No matter how awful the attitude is, it's their bday and it only comes once a year.
    PandaGwen

    Answer by PandaGwen at 7:58 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • Never make a threat that you are unwilling to keep. If you have already threatened no party, then, sadly, you must keep the penalty. If you haven't made the threat, then you have more freedom. If the invitations haven't been made, then have just the party and not the sleepover part of it. You don't need to rub it in that the sleepover was canceled because of one daughter's unacceptable behavior. But if they ask about a sleepover, tell both daughters that certain goals must be reached first- and tell them respectful speaking, and so forth. If the invitations have already been sent, then they can't be canceled because other children are involved. But the disrespectful daughter should face punishment, not excessive- such as grounding for a week.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:02 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I agree with Rose
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • @Rose I think that might work, (only thing I can see happening is both girls have the same friends so it would be hard to send two of them home).

    @Bmat no I did not threaten to cancel the party, I don't give out punishments on the spot, I always take time to step back and assess the situation then come back with what I feel would be a suitable punishment. Also the kids coming over are the children of our longtime friends, so no physical paper invitations, however a verbal invite was made.

    I am leaning towards what Rose said, or somehow have another punishment set in place, for after the party......not sure yet, I will discuss with SO to see what he thinks later......

    Thanks ladies

    sheloveearth

    Comment by sheloveearth (original poster) at 8:28 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I'd keep things separate from the party. You're not happy about how things have been & you can communicate that (and you can punish if you want to) but I think you can do that independent of the party. Maybe don't think of it as "deserving" a party or not; that might help.
    I would think hard about the suggestion to send half the guests home after. Realize that you WANT to single out the one daughter & make an issue of her behavior, that you're really upset about it and reluctant to "reward" her with fun times on her birthday (I imagine what you REALLY want is for her behavior & attitude to change), but try to think about the big picture, about the prospect of involving friends in making that point you want to make, and about the potential for shaming in that.
    Think, too, about why she might change her behavior if you were to do that, versus other reasons for changing, and which reason would be more desirable to you.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:50 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

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