Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

It's never enough!

Okay, this is just a vent, plain and simple. Nobody has to fix anything. Maybe it's the fact that I'm having my period, or maybe I'm overly tired. But I'm sitting here getting all weepy because it seems sometimes like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it's never enough--for anybody.

My boyfriend and I went to the Bob Seger concert last night, had a great time. But that meant I didn't work for the evening, which put me behind to start with this morning. I worked for a few hours after I got home, while I was on CM last night, but then that meant short sleep again. And of course today had to be when I got a rush job because one of my clients neglected to send me some chapters of a Spanish book on time, but still tried to guilt me into meeting their delivery schedule, which I didn't agree to, thank goodness. My boyfriend usually takes our daughter with him on Wednesday mornings when he makes his weekly deliveries of watches he had repaired to the jewelry stores he does trade work for. But he couldn't have her with him today because he had to get his driver's license renewed, soI lost out on the morning of work. Then the babysitter I had lined up for the afternoon bailed on me ten minutes before she was supposed to arrive. My daughter is loving her new bike, so I took her to the park and on a very long ride, hoping to wear her out, which didn't happen. Then she was mad because I came inside when her dad got home, instead of staying out on the porch to do sidewalk chalk with her. I'd spent the whole day with her, but she wanted more, more, more!

Then I came in and my boyfriend said you know, we should do more fun things together, we don't get enough time for us. He told me he'd set it up so we could meet a family friend for dinner tomorrow night. She has a son, so our kids can play together at McDonald's or Chick FilA and we can have some adult time, and he invited another friend over to have a few drinks late Friday night after our daughter is in bed. Sounds great, right? But I lost it. I was like, when the hell am I supposed to work and make the money to keep this household afloat? And of course, he was hit totally out of left field, asking what he did to set me off. Which made me feel like a jerk. But short of finding a way to give up sleeping altogether, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up, and then he wants social time for us and intimacy an all those other things that I know are truly important, and I could just scream. And his answer was, well, what do you want me to do about it?

So is it a mom thing, this feeling like no matter how much you give or how hard you work or how spent you are by the end of the day, it's never enough?

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 9:50 PM on Apr. 3, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • It's a mom thing. You could spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT with your child and it won't be enough. Until she turns 13, that is. Then one nanosecond together will be TOO MUCH time. So don't worry about it.

    Your boyfriend is being a goof. You went to a concert last night, for Pete's sake! That's a full weekly quota of "fun stuff" for a lot of us. You fit the fun stuff in when you can, and no social calendar setting without your input. (You of course extend the same courtesy to him... no plans made without his OK FIRST).

    Time for a nice cuppa tea. Or glass of wine. Not whine! :-)
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:51 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • So sorry.

    I would just go to him in a little while and apologize. Just tell him that you had so much fun but because of today's circumstances (his not being able to take DD as usual, sitter bailing) you were just stressed to the max. That it really isn't him, but being super tired and pulled in 90 different directions just makes you cranky not excited to do more fun stuff. And then maybe the make up sex will be awesome.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:00 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • Maybe spend less time on cm and use that time to work...
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • It is a mom thing and a period thing and a"the circumstances all lined up badly" thing.
    Hugs
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:39 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • Yeah. I understand completely. By the end of a day with my daughters I just want to be completely alone in a silent room. I give myself over and over and over all day long trying to do my best as a parent and it takes its toll. Yes, your reaction was not the correct one for the situation, but it was the actions beforehand that caused that reaction later. You'll get it done and eventually catch up on your sleep and stop menstruating and someday your daughter will scream "GO AWAY MOM" and you'll wish for sidewalk chalk. As is life dear.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 10:05 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • Sounds more like a time management issue to me and definitely more sensitivity due to your period. In a week, you'll think differently. You need to communicate better with everyone in your life about scheduling time with you. It seems like your personality is the kind that doesn't like surprises and likes things organized and planned. Other people may not realize this about you, so it's your job to make it clear. Learning to say no to some things also would help. It doesn't mean you can't do fun things. It just means you'll have to postpone it. Tell people that your only free time is on X and Y days from A-B time. That way, they can still surprise you in a way, but it's also planned for a block of time you've set aside just for social activities. Also anticipating events, such as babysitter no-shows, with back-up plans can ease surprises. Most importantly, you need to schedule time for YOU every day to refuel.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:45 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • hugs

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:51 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Get off of CM! Then you can actually accomplish something!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • It's a mom thing. I wound up with 4 extra kids today because they're parents needed some help. Then, we had the missionaries over for dinner. There is a MOUNTAIN of clean clothes that needs folding that I just never got around to doing because of the little hell spawn invaders.

    LOL well not really, but the parents of two of the kids call their kids Demon Spawn. They're Irish Twins and are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 right now.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:59 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I'm a planner, too... and at first, it drove me nuts to be around non-planners. I've learned to deal with it better now, but it still annoys me now and then when people invite us to last minute trips to the beach or to Busch Gardens, which is at least a 3-4 hour trip for us. I just say sorry, you didn't give me enough notice. If they want me to go, then they'll learn to plan in advance. For more local activities, I don't mind the last minute thing as much though. I've learned something from someone else though, that you can also just say, sorry, it's not on the schedule today. You have to draw the line or people will draw it for you. I spend at least an hour each day for me, doing my nails, taking a long shower/bath, reading and relaxing or else I would go crazy with just doing work, chores and social chores all day.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:19 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

Next question in Relationships
Catty mothers

Next question overall (Money & Work)
I took a huge step today.