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2 Bumps

My 3 1/2 year old is hitting and being mean toward me.

My 3 year old is hitting and kicking me and will not listen to me! I just dont know what to do my husband just started a new job where he is gone 14 hours a day and I also have a 6 month old i just dont know what to do and she gets frustrated so easy and gets so upset and cries about little things I have tried time ous and even a little tap on the butt , nothing has worked so far please help i feel like i am doing something wrong but i dont know what to do to make her my sweet little baby, also she doesnt act like this to anyone else she hugs and kisses her father and baby sister but with me she doesnt and it is only when it is me and her and my 6 month old at home. please help!

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Asked by erikaholloway at 11:35 PM on Apr. 3, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • It could be an Electra complex. During infant stages of development, they will reject and compete with their mother for a while and "fall in love" in a sense with their father. I wouldn't take it too personally but see if she grows out of it. You should also consider if something else about you is causing her discomfort, such as a scent she doesn't like or is allergic to, cold hands, the way you hold her, etc.  She may also blame you for her father not being there as much anymore and just not understand why. In general though, infants and toddlers tend to have an inclination toward the opposite gender. This also occurs in pets, thus why they tend to pair pets with owners of the opposite gender. It's a subtle hormonal influence.


    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:47 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • It sounds like your daughter may be overwhelmed by the job change that hs, inexplicably in her world, taken away her daddy. Getting her to talk about that, even with limited verbal skills, may help. Ask her if she misses daddy. Tell her it's okay to be sad. Maybe she can draw pictures for him or chat a little on the phone to connect with him a few times during the day.

    That being said, hitting and kicking is never okay, even when she's upset. Keep up the time-outs.

    As to spanking, a "tap on the butt" isn't going to do the trick. You'll have to either decide spanking works for you and your family, and do it hard enough to get her attention, or avoid doing it at all. But spanking half-heartedly will accomplish nothing except to further confuse your little girl.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:48 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • I did the tap on the butt 2 times but I HATE spanking ( i just felt like no where else to go) but i never felt to keep it up. Thank you I do feel she misses her dad I tell her I miss him to I will have a talk with her as much as i can and have him to spend as much time with her as i can it breaks my heart to see her act this way , more than it makes me upset with the hitting and kicking, I hope it works , Keeping up with the time outs and talking will have to do!

    Comment by erikaholloway (original poster) at 11:52 PM on Apr. 3, 2013

  • Can you get her to do some projects that she can give to her daddy when he gets home? Perhaps coloring a picture for him or a card for him would help her cope with him being gone so much.

    Answer by AngZacc at 9:39 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • You need to nip this in the butt now,or it will get worse....taking things away she likes, or keeping her busy might do the trick....

    Answer by older at 2:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

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