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Need your help on the right thing to say or do

Yesterday, my 11 y/o dau had 14 inches of her hair cut off to make a donation. It was down to her waist & is now just below her shoulders. I think it looks adorable & we even played around with some different ways for her to wear it. Well, she's been having these big pangs of doubt about the big change. I've tried to comfort her & tell her how beautiful she is & that she will get used to it. I told her the length of her hair does not determine her self worth, or define her beauty. Plus, hair grows & she can have it long again. My worry is that when she gets back to school & someone says the wrong thing like "why did you cut your pretty long hair?" I got that comment from grown women when I had 11 inches cut off last year. (Some people don't think. ) I want her to feel good & confident before she faces everyone at school on Monday, so I don't have to worry about any more meltdowns. Any suggestions?


Asked by mrsmom110 at 9:47 AM on Apr. 4, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 48 (284,686 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • Maybe you can tell her to say " I cut off my hair so another little girl can have pretty long hair too"
    Tell her because of what she did she help another little girl feel pretty again.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:56 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • I don't know what you can say to make her feel better. Maybe have hear read some stories about the foundation that she donated her hair to. Perspective is everything. Maybe she needs a little grieving time (LOL - I know what it's like) and then she will get past it. Eventually you just have to accept that things are the way they are and no amount of wishing it different helps.

    If she is an accessory girl, maybe go look for some fun clips or head bands.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:13 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • My 11 yo dd did the same thing a few months ago. She didn't mention anyone saying anything negative - she got a really positive reaction from her friends. My dd has an Instagram account (which I monitor and recently removed someone from after talking to her about why their posts weren't appropriate) and she posted a pic and got lots of feedback from her friends before she had to face them. I think that helped.

    Answer by missanc at 11:01 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Go with the helping people angle.
    Be sure to remind her that she was beautiful before, but now she's showing both inner and outer beauty by getting a lovely haircut that will go toward making a sick kid feel better, too. It's a no lose situation. I bet that she will find a lot of strength in that if someone makes a thoughtless comment. It's pretty cool to be able to say, "I feel great about my haircut because I helped another child." :)

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:02 AM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • I don't really know what to tell her. Maybe share with her MY post when I cut 14 inches of my hair:

    It's been 2 months since I cut my hair. I've gotten used to it, and acutally do like it this short now. It is a LOT easier to take care of.


    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:11 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • My recommendation would be to be careful not to respond to her feelings with comfort & reassurances, as if she needs to be rescued from her feelings.
    Her feelings are whatever they are, and she is powerful enough to have them, experience them, and navigate the experience. The effort to "make it better" by telling her how she'll get used to the shorter hair & that she's beautiful can actually trigger counter-resistance in her, causing her to get stuck in defending her doubt & displeasure and hanging onto that, rather than moving through her feelings. If instead you allow her feelings by hearing & acknowledging them, she can process them: second-guessing whatever she needs to about her decision, grieving the loss/change, and reaching some kind of personal resolution.
    Someone at school may have an honest reaction of surprise or disbelief when they see her, but if she can get clearer about her feelings that way, she'll cope great.

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:26 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Remind her of why she cut her hair. Some child out there who has no hair will be able to have a wig because of her kindness. Hair you can grow but a kind heart is something that glows from within.

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:53 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • ^^Yeah LS, I mentioned that too. And she knows what our hair dresser went thru w/ her breast cancer a while back & losing all her hair. That's why I made my donation last year, to honor her & her recovery. But she's 11 & just missing her long hair right now & I can't "poof" it long again :/

    Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 9:59 AM on Apr. 4, 2013