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How to know if breaking up was the right choice?

I've been with A for 2 years. We live together with my 4 year old daughter. I've been thinking lately that I just see him as a friend now. After all this time he still does not love my daughter, and would still like to be able to do what he wants when he wants to. She isn't his kid, so he should have that freedom, I just think why live with someone who isn't ready for us? He is the most wonderful man though. He puts up with my complaints about school and work and helps me out a lot with my daughter. He picks her up from school and watches her when I can't (but that seems like he is babysitting, not just taking on a fatherly role). I couldn't decide if my feelings for him were changing because I've been so busy, or because he is looking for work and is not satisfied with what he is doing in life right now, or what it is. We went on vacation over spring break and I thought without being stressed or busy or anything I could really figure out how I felt about him and the whole time I didn't want to be alone with him. I liked being out and around other people and when it came to being in the hotel with him it felt awkward, not romantic like I hoped it would. He is so nice and loves me very, very much. He would do anything for me, and daily helps me with everything, rubs my back, is a great roommate, just a really great person. I broke up with him last night and he started moving things out this morning. I can't stop crying and I feel awful. I can't decide if I feel this way because I just feel bad for hurting such a good guy, or because I made the wrong decision. Maybe I could have stuck it out and maybe something would have changed? How do I know if what I did was right?

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Asked by dbodani at 1:59 PM on Apr. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,925 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think you made the right choice if he doesn't love your child.
    How do you know that though?

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • The time away from him will show you how you really feel. If you are feeling free of him & content after a few weeks then you made the right choice.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • You have only been with him 2 years and you feel that way about him.  You already fell out of love with him.  and he sound like he want to be single anyways.  You said he want to be able to do what he wants to do.   I think you made the right choise.  You and your DD are a  package deal.  It sounds like he didn't want the package.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Sounds like he does love your kid, IDK what do you want, to be honest, you sound very confused about where you want to be, all relationships go through ups and downs, and it is commitment that makes it work, are you and do you want that?
    He is willing to take on the pick up and care of your kid, but he isn't the bio dad, I think you might be the one who is searching for the reason to be unhappy with him.
    And if he isn't it, then that is okay, but the blame game needs to stop, perhaps some counseling about YOU might be in order?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 2:15 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • We often get use to people as we do routines...this is not love, love is always wanting to be with him in every situation, good or might love him because he has been good to you, but there is a difference in loving and being IN love....this time apart will give you the opportunity to sort it all out......

    Answer by older at 2:19 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Were you happy? Or were you just "comfortable". Don't waste your chance to be happy.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:53 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • You're upset because you hurt him. And because things are changing. It's normal for us to be upset when things change. Hell, I cried on my last day at my last job, and I didn't even LIKE the job that much!

    Yes, you made the right decision.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:59 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

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